Onision Productions Biography

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Archive of a biography Greg wrote about himself on his 2005 Onision Productions website. (Source)



For those who think I'm interesting enough to read into the details of my life... this is almost all I can remember that I feel is worth mentioning.

When I was younger, like so many others, I had thought I was unique... important beyond what the world had ever seen before... much like anyone else would imagine themselves having the potential to become a heroic fireman, a rock star, something amazing... some day. Today I don't think the same way I did so long ago... as I discovered more about the world, the lights dimmed, and my hopes dropped... but I found something to open the shades from covering my eyes... I found, music, literature, web design, women, love, everything that could ever give me a source of inspiration and renewed interest in living until the day my body gives away...

If you'd like to contact me with any questions/comments on this page, click this ~

All About Greg

I'd like to first off, welcome you to my site ~ from the start of all my creations, to now, I have clearly had a long run in the web design business. Since the age of 11 I have been interested in the world of the internet... the world wide web. At age 12, I became one of the many sub-domain webmasters, and from that point, only worked my way up to becoming what I am now, a webmaster.

I have built this site for various reasons, 1, to get my name number one in Google, 2, to entertain thousands monthly, 3, and to send out a clear and bold message to all who view this site, that not everyone is the same despite what your frustrations with the world my state.

There is hope for humanity, many people I have met, I selected individually to meet ~ for their unique aura, vibe & presentation. The people that I know are good people, and they, as well as I, only want to help you, and many others survive in this world.

Just by you reading this alone, you are taking a step 85% of the worlds population would not, they clicked out of this site before "Hello" ~ now's your chance to learn more. Push yourself beyond what the other's have reached.

Millions of people die on a monthly basis, not having accomplished anything great, never really giving this world anything it had not already obtained long ago, barely touching the hearts of those that do make a difference, a change... I want you to ask yourself if you will one day be just another number, like the billions before us... or will you do something with your life... and make an indent on this world?

One day soon, I hope to accomplish creating a web empire, I aspire to develop my own business that will evolve into a financial power house that will benefit thousands, and contribute to the elimination of various difficulties that we all experience in each other by setting a standard, having everyone realize the true value of right and wrong. I wish to send those is limbo to a forward motion, and continue to advance our society.

I imagine, by this point, you may be interested in learning more about exactly what I speak of, and the rest of what I have to say. As you continue to observe this site, you will learn more about the rare faith I follow, the crazy things I do on a regular basis for my own entertainment, you will listen to various songs I have sang & composed, and you will take a deeper look into everything I have ever done, and the things I plan to do.

I am always open to the concerns and questions of my viewers, please utilize the contact info section if you would like to discuss things with me further. And also note, that if you disagree with something I say, if you believe there is a better way, as long as it does not involve some god, an unethical mentality or otherwise, I am interested. And if you flat out would just like to talk, I'm here for that as well.

I hope all of you have a good life, yet I am not in a position of power in this point, I am the one who wishes to help, yet has little resource to do so other than words...

Do everything you can to avoid the pressures and stress life can bring on, surviving is worth it... it just seems too often that the depressed depress all others, and they all complain about it in the end, becoming the unhappy themselves. This is an "everyone's a jerk but me" society we live in, but realize that no matter what you say, "everyone" includes you...

Learn what you can here, treat others well no matter how bad your life gets, visit this site whenever you can, and feel free to have an open contact with me if you ever would like to talk.

Enjoy the site, I hope it makes your days easier ~

The Favorites

Quote: Words Are Slugs, Acts Are Golden

I just wrote it... I only like it because it seems in this world so much is said, and yet little is accomplished, there are far too many of us to have not advanced further... and evolution is a dying concept... why? I don't like gold... why is it of value?

Faith: Sicesca

It is the one religion I can completely agree with... of course, I invented it.

Past Time: Web Design, Being Close to the One I Love Most

This is what I choose to do with my life, I am productive, or I am blissful... I find content in these things...

Location: Jackson Hole

It is where I grew up, Auburn, WA ~ I miss it...

Word: Onision

You will not find this word anywhere but where I have placed it, it is me, it is original, it is exciting, odd, frightful, deep, honorable, harsh, mighty... strong ~ it is something no one can be, but he who created it... it is I, Gregory J... not one person can say a greater word to my ear... to the world it is worthless, to my world, it is all that truly matters, as long as my soul burns.

Job: Purification

I wish I had this job, I wish I had this power, but I will not soon obtain this occupation, and so I must stay... in the shadow of a golden tower.

Attitude: The "Individual"

Everyone seems to want their own unique identity... but that's only because everyone else wants one. It astonishes me... the irrationality I mean.

Sense: Sight

Seemingly limitless journey's can be taken, through the eyes.

Personality: Fairly Odd & Uncaring

The one who stands out in a crowd, and loves every second of it... I admire those people, this is, as long as they harm no one in doing so.

People: Skye [...], Tanya [...], Jad [...], Michael [...] & Mel (Dark Vampire)

These people are so good to me, I selected them from a crowd, or they simply found me ~ They each have their own trait that seems to perfectly counter or compliment mine...

Skye, for your undying fidelity, design skills, acceptance of the odd, interest towards the supernatural, ability to tolerate me, amazing amount of love & care for me... best of all, you've always been there when I needed you ~ and I you. Our rare similarities...

Tanya, for your wit, your strong opinions, ability to push me into argument-based submission, amazing aspirations & overall grace. Our rare similarities...

Mel, for your respect, high spirit, faith in me, interest in the odd, dark yet radiant vibe & your impulsive/positive objectives. Our rare similarities...

Emotion: Love

Once you find it, true love, there is nothing better... but true love has a hard time lasting... it seems so rare that true love is a mutual feeling... one way can always have a level of true love, yet when they find out... when I once found out... I was broken... to this day I have not been fixed. And I begged for more.

"She does not call me, she does not love me, she does not seem to care, she seems to place me in the back of every line... and yet when I'm with her... none of that matters until she again says... goodbye. I beg for time to end in the moment I am with her..."

I am better with the love I have now... she is true, she is amazing to me... I still... I feel such a hole in my heart for what was lost, what I can never fill.

President: Abraham Lincoln

He seemed different than so many people, he stood against trend, he was dark... he was memorable.

Cartoon: Eek The Cat

Because it is one of the best memories I have as a child... one of the few.

Movies: TROY, The Last Samurai & Legend of The Drunken Master

Brad Pitt & Tom Cruise did marvelous jobs in those movies... I just love Jackie Chan's smile, skill and spirit.

Book: ConOnsen

It is one of the few I have read... it was the first one I wrote...

Music: OneMandBand

Not only because it is my own, but because it always sounds the way I want it to... it accepts the scratch in our crystal platter of sound.

Video Games: Resident Evil 4, Final Fantasy VII, Metal Gear Solid & Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas

They're all the best games for their console, and literally blow the expectations of each out of the water...

Console: Any Sony Console

I have a bias, I'm in love with Sony, please contact me to send funds for supporting your console, thanks Sony!

Web Site: Onision Productions

How could I not say so? It's hard not to appreciate someone who believes in everything you do, and is always there when you need them... how can one perceive themselves as another? It's rather simple, and when you do, you will find a best friend in yourself.

Substance: Water

When you are most in need of substance, any substance, to help you survive, to replenish your body, water is all you need... water tastes beautiful if you've ever been without it for long periods of time while also being physically drained...

Observed Fear: Why Bugs?

Why are you all afraid of bugs? It's just so damn silly... unless of course it has extreme poison, then I'm totally running right next to you...

Physical Activity: Sex

I've heard many boys & women speak of one same thing, boys, as to how they "screwed that b&#% last night" and women how that "boy completely broke my heart" as he showed her the door when it was all over...

Sex is not over when most think it is... driving begins when you turn the key to your vehicle, and ends when the car cools down... for if this were not true, why is sex such a terrible memory when your man does not hold your hand, and hold you close for the rest of the night ~ and instead, from that point on treats you like dirt?

I've never really worried about whether or not I am a dud... when you show a woman that you really love her, that for that moment, you believe she is the one and only for you (of course, how it should be) ~ when you are so physically exhausted from the efforts you've put out that you can barely move... this is when you know you've been good at your expression of love... the right type will only furthermore help insure you will not lose the one you love... if you truly love them, and are not afraid to the point of physical submission ~ it's hard to imagine such loss...

The Peeves

The Common Man

I hate you for most all you are, the perversion, the mistreatment of animals, the death you cause, the blows you strike, the negativity you generate from your gutter mouth, your lack in understanding for the outside...

For all the things I know you think of... for all the things I've seen you do.

There are few men in this world, for it is consumed by boys, and when I find these people (like Jackie Chan... :) I am reminded of the few women who finally get what they deserve... a good man... for the rest, I'm so sorry we let survive such terrible creatures...

If you don't agree with this, than you are either one of them, or you have not seen what I've seen... so little do you know... so much I must tell.

The Bible & The Way It's Interpreted

Rather sad that so many choose to believe in something they themselves can't fully accept... and in this those who "follow" dement the written word to coincide with what they truly believe... in the sin it condemns.

Walking Voids

The people who steal things from this world, and never give them back... hearts, happiness, souls, aspirations... a purpose...

Odds Are... You

By what statistics I have witnessed, I would not like you if I really knew you... but I would most likely get along with you at first... and then we would talk, about the reason for this planet, about what we've accomplished, about your objective in life ("I want to be a hair stylist, get a nice car, get a husband... oh but first I want to sleep around... for fun, have my husband buy me things, borrow things and not give them back, cheat, lie, steal... oh wait, I got off track, can you tell me the answers to this test? OMG! LOL LOL LOL!!! LOL!")

Growl... I hate...


It is not funny, it is not hilarious, it's just f&#@ing annoying... so please, stop your OMG, LOL, ROFL's and STFU! (pointless peeve, but everyone has faults... right?)

Drinking, Smoking... Crack

No matter how many times you offer, no matter how many ways you put it, it's not for me... I can get along with you, but I will never respect you... not as much as I would someone who never has... never will... drinking is not so bad, but this is only because society has molded my mind to acceptance... in another world, you would be with the pipes and stoners...

Time & Tiredness

I both love and despise these things, and yes, you can do this... I wish the days would last longer, and my body would as well... sometimes there are not enough things you can accomplish in a day, and as I age, it only moves faster.

I'm growing old, I'm 19 as I write this, but when I read it one day, I'll be 50, a tear will hit my eye, hopefully by that time I will have accomplished much...

I will cry for the time past... yet be so very excited, that I lasted so long, and am closer to death... a final slumber in which the answers will all come to me, or not come to me at all, and in that, I'll have my answer.

All Good... Ends

I can laugh at most anything... through the bad, through the best of times... I just find them to be less evident as time passes... I'm less appreciative, for when a day starts, it soon after ends, and when a good moment finds me, it too fades away...

All good things... past, current, or distant... they have an expiration... it is my peeve, it is our reality.

The People I've Known

Side Note

No family members are yet mentioned in this section ~ they may soon be, but if you are related to me biologically or legally, you're not here ~ :) If you are not family, I know you, and you are not listed on here, give me a good slap some time, or tell me your last name, because if you're not on here, I forgot your last name...

Stephanie [...]

I still don't get this girl, but she's really cool most of the time ~ she has an odd personality, which is why I talk to her from time to time... definitely rare.

Corey [...]

Another really cool military instructor ~ we worked on GoSERE.com simultaneously after the SERE indoc training ~

Joe [...]

The funniest and most inspiring teacher's I've ever known... the guy is just cool, and really kicks butt when it comes to keeping a crowd interested.

Justin [...]

A man who went into the SERE program with me, he left for Fairchild June 25th.

Skye [...]

A wonderful young woman, who I hope to one day call my wife... she's just like me in so many ways... and we have a great bond that I'm pretty sure few others experience... before you say "bullsh%&" please consider... you really don't know me... yet.

Alicia [...]

She's the little sister I never had... this girl flat out rocks, she's so god damn smart and funny, she does not know it though... I've freaked her out a few times, and she's blown my mind a bit... but in the end, I think we both want what's best... it's sad she does not realize how much we have in common...

Sabrina [...]

The mother of Alicia and Skye, she's a really groovy lady, and she's raised very good and unique kids... I mostly recognize Sabrina for her nack for the abnormal... her fascination with the supernatural, and her overall life experiences in general. She's a good person, and I'm happy to of known her.

Tanya [...]

A young lady I was once in love with... today I've seemed to find myself pushed further and more so away from her... though I was almost always enlightened by talking with her... I just find myself... distant... like it's all a faded memory.

Leah [...]

Tanya's mom... she's a fine lady, I worked for her off and on throughout the summer and the hard times... she's always been nice to me... such a nice woman.

Tashina [...]

A woman I fell in love with... but really just fell in love with a lie... she did so many things that I would have been appalled by if I had seen them myself... Our relationship lasted a little more than a month, I had met her at the "Power of Hope" ~ today she is a semi-negative memory... and yet I regret nothing.

Christina [...]

A cool girl... an outstanding girl that I once dated... we dated for a month... she was the first "prep" I had dated while having been on the "dark side" ~ She lightened my days, and I will always appreciate her for that.

Shiree [...]

A young lady I dated for about 7 months, we broke up 8 times within that duration, but were never apart for more than a week... she did plenty of nasty things behind my back when we dated... she broke my heart... our conversations were so long, our love poems too... she was so smart, but she was nearly my opposite... she's now married, and pregnant/with a child.

Ashley [...]

A girl I knew from "Earth Club" ~ we had spoken off and on for three years, towards the end, we would watch movies together in arms... but eventually, I invented Sicesca, and we got in a big fight over it... she eventually told me she never wanted to see or speak with me again... I couldn't stop laughing.

Jad [...]

Jad has to be one of the coolest guys I have ever met... he totally digs my weird attitude... and was a great friend in my sophomore year of High School... he helped put a web site together with me, and even did a couple comedy bits with me that you can find on this site... he is now a missionary that works in and around Japan ~ I'm proud of you Jad... you're a really great guy!

Tia [...]

Another girl I once dated, yet more so was a friend as we were only together for four days... she's quite fantastic, she has a wonderful laugh, beautiful eyes, smile... she just makes me feel comfortable...

Mike [...]

A guy I used to hang out with, but I ended up staying away from him, or he from me... I'm not sure, I guess we just lost touch... he was always somewhat of a druggie... he offered a few times, I always turned it down.

Lacy [...]

A pretty cool girl... she seemed kinda slow from time to time, but then she would amaze me with some massively complicated, yet understandable concept... she read my mind a few times... I honestly think this girl has psychic powers... there's no doubt.

George [...]

He was originally from China, and does not really like Japanese people... [shrugs] Father of Michael & Jen [...].

Jackie [...]

Mother of Michael & Jen [...], a great lady, she always gives me big bear hugs.

Michael [...]

One of the few males in this world I can say I respect... he treats women well, he has integrity... he's just a good guy. I've known him since age 11, and we still hang out whenever I'm in Ohio ~

Jennifer [...]

A girl I fell for in my father's church, she always loved to run, is so attractive and is very hyper...

Julia [...]

She was my first kiss... and my first experience beyond kissing... she has always been apologetic about having been that close to me with our four year age difference... she barely talks to me now... I assume it just reminds her of mistakes, or simply a painful past what with the people I am associated with.

Debbie [...]

She's an ok lady, somewhat psychotic due to what I've experienced in the past... she's undyingly loyal to my father, so maybe that's what makes her seem so insane... my father always freaked out when I would cuss at her, but that was only due to my hatred for how he treated her as if she was more important than me... I had always thought the offspring were most important... she is currently my step-mother.

Crystal [...]

A girl who liked me in 6th grade but later on dumped me because she found out my eyes were not blue... what the heck?

Lindsey [...]

A girl who was dared to ask me out, so she did, in 5th grade ~ I didn't know what going out was, so I just asked "Which movie?" ~ she parted later on with one of the television show lines she probably gathered from the WB ~ it was all a sham, I thought it was pretty funny at the time ~

Keesha [...]

Someone I felt was literally, psychotically in love with me... like... horror film "in-love" everything she owned had my name on it, every other word she spoke was one directed towards me, about me... I broke up with her for hitting me too often... that's how she wanted to flirt... I told her not to, smiles were better... she didn't get it ~ we were in 5th grade so I understand... [rolls eyes and smiles]

Alana [...]

A girl I had once liked in elementary... she always had surgeries on her arm... I felt kind of bad for her.

Amber [...]

A girl I had fallen for in 4th grade... she was the most beautiful girl I had seen up till that point... I spoke to her on occasion... I have no idea where she is now.

Don [...]

Ex-step-father, I only remember the good times, so I can't say much bad, but I was told that he once made us pray to the TV saying "I love you Satan"... and that he had pipes all over the house... no, not for plumbing... I always had fun with him, he was a radical, and dare-devilish kinda guy... he has an imported bride now, and lives by working a siding job.

David [...]

For my younger years, the boy was my best friend... one of my only friends up till middle school... he was such the opposite, and yet we got along so well.

Nick [...]

Brother of David Watson, always had a crush on my cousin, Michelle Jackson.

Phillip [...]

A boy I got in a fight with in second grade... he died in fourth grade.

---Aubrey [...]===

She was the first girl I ever thought I had loved... maybe I did, I really can't recall too well, it was second grade when I met her... now she is just a distant memory.

Online History

User Names

1997 - Shester27, Buddy, DrummerBoy
1998 - Oddikaun
1999 - Syphon, SyphonDeath, HatedDeath
2000 - OddsEnd, Doomatro
2003 - Niqmo, Vighkel
2004 - OniSan, Unision
2005 - Shodae, Onision, OneMandBand, Kniteshado

Sites I've Worked On/Created









Onision Productions

Chronological Revision

Umbilical of Death

I was born silently, and blue. My mom was originally told that I was going to turn out retarded, probably because when I was born my head was 14 1/2 inches around, and my chest was 13 1/2. The scanners I guess gave them the impression I was going to only be a quarter-wit... but luckily she decided not to abort, and here I am...

Now about the umbilical cord. It was wrapped around my neck three times... they had to cut it off as soon as I was born, I guess that was easier without movement...

The Pews

At age 2, I was told, that I fell off the back of a church chair (pew) head first, and smacked my head on the ground... my mom ran screaming out of the church, blood everywhere... I've always tended to bleed a lot of thick irony blood... I was told... her dress was ruined.

When they tried to patch me up, they ended up having to tape my head entirely, when originally they made it a simple butter fly, but of course, I pulled it off every time.

I still have a scar.

Humpty Dumpty

When I was seven... the one of the few stories I can recall occurring before age 11, I went to work with my step-father. He was welding on his/his brother's boat, on a cement docking area when I decided to be a dare devil...

I wanted to crawl across the ships face, right in front of the very top window.

Being 25 feet up, I was quite scared, but I gritted my teeth, and began to move towards the edge. Crawling out front, I held onto a chain... so high up... that's when the wind blew, on the shores of Washington state, I lie, bumped and not broken, falling head first off the boat's lip, onto cement, all the time trying to save myself by latching onto the chain, connected to... nothing.

The chain fell with me, and the only way my step-father had known I fell was by the screams I let out as I rubbed my head in pain.

Later on that day, I got a bike with no front wheel... and yet, for some reason, everything seemed better.

First Fight

Around second grade, I had thought I fell in love with a girl... so I spent time with her every day, her name? Aubry [...]... how do I remember that? I knew her up till High School... the crush ended in 3rd grade...

One day, a boy had decided to tell me she was his girlfriend, and that I should get away from her... his name was Phillip [...]... he said some nasty things, so I asked her if she minded watching me beat him... she said she did not, so I turned around and began swinging as hard and fast as I could... I had longer hair then, so he grabbed my hair and flipped me around... I fell to the ground yet on the ground, and facing the other direction still managed to land quite a few punches.

The recess coach saw us, and began screaming like a mad woman to stop... when it was over, he was crying... I remember smiling... he and I were ok from that point on... but he died two years later when he was on a sled, sliding into the road he was crushed by a car...

This too was in Auburn... of Washington State ~ We were in Lakeview Elementary.

Saving The Boy

I felt like a guard, an authority by the time I hit 4th grade... I always looked for someone to save, someone to help... I made a few friends by protecting them... it wasn't that I was any bigger than the other kids, I was just above average, it was that I was strong, and fierce in fights.

I've always felt I have a good heart, I love doing what's right, and when a second grader was in trouble, I didn't know him, but I knew the 15+ bullies that were trying to beat him.

I looked up on the field, and I saw them crowd, they threw a baseball at his face, it hit him in the eye, that's when I began to run.

When I got up to him, they were only a few feet away, before they could come any closer, I grabbed him, and began dragging him off the field.

With his arm over my shoulder, I brought him into his homeroom class...

Two years later, he said I saved his life, and thanked me as I only smiled and told him "I just did what was right."

First Kiss

When I was 11, I had my first kiss. she was a gorgeous 15 year old girl named Julia [...] (hey, I can say she WAS gorgeous because I was 11 at the time). It was someone I had met at my father's church... I recall something very clearly she said, "You have the heart of a 15 year old." --- at the time, and even know, I think it was cheesy, but the truth of the matter is, she meant something more, that I am older in mind than many... why else do you think I call men boys? Because I am one of them and am too stupid to figure out how to make myself a man?

The next year, she went back to that cabin we had kissed in, and found out she loved another... Michael [...] ~ by that time she and I had lost touch... the news did not hit me until years later, and by that time... they had broken up.

Michael is a year younger than I am.

Meet Gewdla

At about 13 years of age I stayed over at my cousins house with my sister, someone brought up the idea of a Ouija board... I had never used one prior, but was extremely interested... we messed around with the board for a while, trying to figure out what exactly it could do, who we could talk to in the board...

We met a negative spirit named "Gewdla" ~ that's one of the first times I felt power in negativity... "evil" even... I asked Gewdla who he liked... the cursor quickly moved towards me... I then asked if he had ever been inside our bodies, he told me that he was inside mine, 19 times... this of course does not mean I was possessed... rather, he saw through my eyes...

It's kind of creepy to know that huh? How did I feel? Still inspired, still curious.

I continue to search for that one entity...

Infatuation of Michael's Sister

At about age 15 I fell for Jennifer [...], Michael [...]'s sister... for the longest time I had eyes for her... she was always so fun, full of energy and life... but yet she never really had any experience with boys, maybe that is something I liked... I like teaching people, about everything... but the only thing I ended up teaching her was that I was head over heals for her... as I learned she never even thought of me like that...

A letter I wrote told her everything, a call she made, ended it all ~ she still visits me whenever I visit my father, I feel like she always wants to say something... but never can get what she wants out...

The Story With My Father

My father, Randy Gray [...], is accused of being a sexual violator... a liar... a fraud... even wicked. Over time I began to believe... I'm almost certain now... the stories were true... he tormented me for a short duration when I lived in his house for six months... taking away my liberties, my music, my entertainment, telling me I was not the son he wanted by trying to change my personality...

He treated me like I was a criminal in his house, when really, he was the criminal, though he had never been officially called on it other than the various letters to the courts claiming he had violated various women who all testified...

He lied to me so often... he's struck me violently before for calling his wife a name... a cuss word... what have I done to him? Fought back, fought to get home, with my sane parent... my mother, Tami Jayne Jackson.

My father currently lives in Ohio... a pastor at Kettering Church, currently working with Habitat For Humanity... something good can come out of something so very impure it seems.

The First, The Core ~ Ms. [...]

Shiree [...] is one of the most influential individuals in my life now, and in my past ~ she was my first real view of what emotional relationships are all about ~ she and I would talk for 9 hours a day, non-stop seemingly... it was as if we had a world of words to say... as if we were speaking for the first time.

My sister introduced me to her early in the morning at Lakes High School ~ she had told me she liked my shirt... at the time I was cool with wearing band names ~ SlipKnot was the name of choice... Moments after she spoke with me for the first time, the bell rang, and she had to go... for some reason I was relieved...

Later on we spoke on the phone, following with meeting at school ~ soon after I asked her out... but that did not last very long when a bunch of average Joe's told me she was ugly, and that I was dating a dog... I thought about what I had done, why I did it... and chose to end my association with the boys who said that about her, and take her back ~

Shiree was really happy that I asked her to date me again ~ so was I... it was really just a uncalled for action... and in between the time we dated and had broken up, she did something really ridiculous which I won't mention here... however it caused our ultimate end once I found out about it ~

From that point on, she and I dated off and on for 7 months... never more than three days apart ~ Shiree has always been Bi-Sexual, so at one point, before we became more serious, I asked her to end her ties with her girlfriend ~ she had offered other alternatives, and I could only turn them down...

Shiree has always been my opposite, she's cheated on me, lied to me, used drugs behind my back... she does all the things I would never do... and yet we were pulled towards each other ~ today she lives in Texas with her husband ~ and by the time you all read this will of had a child. We talk on the phone once a week or so ~

Like all those I loved, this is a relationship I do not regret ~ nor ever will... I learned so much from her... and if there were a list, she was a source of more emotional pain than I have ever experienced in my life... for some reason I don't mind now.

Christina [...]

Christina [...] was a girl I noticed for laughing at everything I said... she was not extremely attractive or anything, but that was never really what I had looked for... she had freckles, which were adorable.

I began to talk to her, quite randomly, she loved anime, was part of the school marching band as a... color guard? She was so strong...

We walked home from school each day... holding hands, laughing... we would stop and kiss from time to time... just like I have with almost everyone I've fallen for...

One time at lunch, I had tried to talk to her repeatedly... she always had a tendency to ignore me while her friends were around, even though they all knew I was with her, standing right next to her most of the time...

I always wore black... so in the moment I was trying to talk to her, I gave up, I stood up hastily in the middle of the lunch room, and began to walk away... she asked where I was going in a loud voice, and so I raised my arm half bent snapping like a switch blade, my middle finger high...

When she found me after school, she asked why I did what I did, I told her she disrespected me, and I was enraged by it ~ she asked how she could fix it, so I told her to prove she was not ashamed... I asked her to show up as gothic as possible (her being quite preppy) to school the next morning... she did... she looked good, but I liked her for what she preferred...

We broke up soon before I left... for a week we would only talk... and one day... when we hugged... her grip was so tight... she pulled away, and kissed me... so hard.

The next night she came by my house, she said she had to settle down, so she ran around my house a few times... it was somewhat funny to me... I didn't want her to go... but she was soon back... we stayed together till 7am the next morning... I didn't walk her home...

I'd say that's one of the biggest mistakes I've ever made...

She barely knows who I am now...

I left three days after that night...

Earth Club & Ms. [Tashina]

Soon after returning from Ohio, I rejoined Earth Club (not mentioned prior due to insignificance), where we basically cleaned up the roads, planted trees, cleared out blackberry bushes, and basically just spent time with some good, caring people.

One week we, as a group, went to the "Power of Hope" a gathering of young individuals seeking a good atmosphere, and interesting people ~ a lot of the activities were weird, but I did not care much, and participated optimistically ~

From the moment I had arrived, I had my eye on a girl, Tashina [...] ~ she was sitting in a metal chair, in the center of the gymnasium surrounded by nothing ~ as always I immediately took attention to one that stood out ~ I felt bad about her being alone with no one to talk to... so I walked over and introduced myself... from that point on she and I became good friends.

One night she sang, it was the most beautiful voice I had ever heard... for the first time in my life I had felt that this girl was more talented than me ~ not at just singing, nearly everything ~ I had found someone who was better... or so I had thought ~

Tashina gave me her number, I gave her mine, and she drove off not to see me again for a couple weeks ~

Later on in the month, we met up, Tashina gathered up quite a few of the people from Earth Club and another from the Power of Hope and we walked to an old insane asylum (no one was there of course) ~ everyone seemed scared, and stayed closely to each other... I had a grin on my face and said loudly "What are you scared of?" still smiling I ran off into the dark and circled the asylum to burn energy... coming back I got kudos for my fearless actions... I only then realized how some people's minds work when it comes to fear ~ pointless at that.

Tashina and I spoke a lot that night... after she dropped everyone off, she and I arranged another time for her to come out, except this time visit me directly ~

A month passed and she showed up on my door step...

I acted like my normal self (at the time, I acted odd around girls) always having a smile on my face, and very energetic. I guess she thought I was cute as we soon after started dating...

The relationship lasted only two weeks... and yet we had done so much ~ I initially ended it when she said she was unsure of our future and where we stood (I took a lot of things too seriously) she said she was leaving for college soon, and it scared me... after breaking up I began to search for a way we could be together, and found one ~ yet when I suggested it, she would not accept it ~

From that point on, I only learned of all the drugs she used, the terrible lies she told (people forcing her to smoke pot? I think not...) ~ now she has an account I live journal... I stopped reading it after I saw a few mentionings of more extreme actions... she and I argued a lot online... and eventually our words became silent, I moved on, she did as well.

Tanna [...] ~

I met Tanya [...] at my grandma's house so very long ago... I believe 2001... it was at another celebrative gathering (which she still says she was not present to... but... I insist she was) in which many members played volleyball, socialized, and ate randomly on an amazingly sunny day ~

She had an amazing glow to her... always smiling, and very optimistic ~ however we spoke very little on the first meet ~ I was too preoccupied with a nit-wit relative who kept attacking my choice of clothing... I recall threatening to burry his face in the ground... and am still shocked he is related to me... (it seems most every insult I dish out is a direct response to someone assaulting my character... and it is normally harsh)

I did not see Tanya again until I had visited the neighborhood again (Tanya lived right across a creek from my grandma) ~ it was Christmas, and I believe we had spoken on the phone prior... she and I seemed to really like each other, every action/word caused a laugh, or giggle from her ~ I couldn't stop smiling ~ we eventually left the house and walked off, staring at the sky, talking randomly, admiring the atmosphere...

My mom had wanted to go, so she screamed out my name... and teased us as to what they thought we had been doing when we got back... it's silly how people automatically assume every human being's sole purpose is to mate... [sighs] I just responded to them, telling them I had been looking at the stars... I wish there had been stars out that night ~

I never asked Tanya out ~ we simply accepted the title... I was always so desperate to see her, talk to her... even today, encountering her is a surreal experience...

I would always ask my mom to go visit my grandmas, and as soon as possible cross the creek to see Tanya ~ after quite a few... I wish I had a word for it... but after various visit to her... things began to change.

I had thought everything was going well... only to find with her it was all losing its promise... our relationship began to die due to my sub-addiction to her voice... her presence ~ I began to only want to be with her, my purpose was becoming her ~ I spoke of the future so often, where we would go... and she would give the impression that she was not going to make me her first and last love ~

After a while I began to question her... ask her how she really felt, why she did not call me as often as I would have preferred...

It was a mess...

Eventually she broke up with me... it was the first time I had been broken up with my someone I love... she's the only one even today that has ended a relationship with me where love was involved... (note: "love" is not key word for anything, when I say "love" I mean "love" :)

I hurt for a really long time after, she tried to tell me that there were plenty of people out there for me... and that I would find someone one day... she said I would find someone better than her... better for me... I replied every time insisting that there was no one better, no one more fit for me ~ that she was the most amazing person I had ever met... I told her she was the last...

For a long while we stopped talking... I would cry night after night due to what happened... some songs I could not listen to without becoming torn up inside... my entire life took a fall for one of the worst points I had ever experienced...

The only way I could recover from my fall was to make her the bad guy... I would make up excuses as to why she was wrong for me, suggest that she treated me wrongly, that she did not care about anyone ~ I was almost to the point of sayings he had no soul ~ not to degrade her, but to save myself from more heart ache...

Over time I did recover, it had been at least six months before I found anyone attractive... even longer to consider dating again...

Only after a year of silence, I called Tanya again... she seemed so happy to hear from me... she said she wanted to call... she just was not sure if it would work out, if I would be ok with talking again...

Before that time it was a daily challenge not to send her a letter, write her an email...

Today she and I've seemed to of lost touch with her... in a lot of ways, I still feel damaged inside... a quote from her: "It's amazing you can be hurt so many times, and not give up all together." ~ what was interesting about that was... I had never given up due to heart break until I encountered her... though I regret nothing.

The only one who could really pick me up, and put me back together from all this, was the one I love today ~ Skye Altamirano...

Occupation: Kids

After a while of joblessness I decided I needed to gain revenue so I could start getting the things I wanted ~ My sister referred me to the YMCA where I was interviewed and soon after given the job.

I met the kids & Libby Davis at the site I worked at (BOZE Elementary), Libby was practically my boss, and yet I soon found that she cheated the system... she would leave me with the shifts she was to work, and would claim them for her own, or simply state that she worked longer than she did... this bothered me due to the fact that it was stealing ~ especially from the YMCA which had previously hosted a club I was heavily involved in "Earth Club" (I know, lame title... whatever).

I ratted on Libby to her boss... and it did nothing ~ as I guess everyone did it...

Soon after I quit due to frustrations with their integrity, and simply no longer enjoying the work due to the environment ~

The kids were always great... and I loved spending time with them... but it's what happens behind the scenes that really took me out of the job ~ I could not stand it anymore, so I left.

Meeting The Last ~

I have known Skye since 2003... she first saw me in 2001 during a computer class, however I could not recall her as those were the times of Shiree [...] ~ I was always distracted with emotional issues, daily conflicts with her that I did not pay much attention to school... anything really.

Skye was in a weight lifting class when I first spoke to her... I had seen her before in the Library computer lab... she acted like I was a weirdo for talking to her... but I kept going back, every time I had class with her... saying "Hey Skye!" and other random things to start a conversation... like many others, I chose her to talk to because she stood out, she had such a dark aura around her... and yet she dressed normally, she had something so different about her... Skye acted like she did not need anyone... I knew that was because she didn't...

Shortly after I met her in class, we began to see each other where the busses gathered to take us all home... we would talk pretty randomly... her still acting distant and like I was weird... but me seeing through it all ~ knowing that she wanted me around.

The school year ended, and we did not see each other for quite some time... she was logged on to AOL one day, and I spoke with her... she invited me over ~ and I told her that it would be cool to see her again ~

From that point on, I would drive out to see her, and pick her up on occasion to come over to my house... I would play my random tunes in my care, and sing along to them on the way, sometimes in a silly voice with a goofy grin on my face... bumping her insanely as she smiled yet still seemed removed...

After the first few times we had visited one another, I began to develop feelings for her... it was rather hard at the time due to the last relationship I had gotten into, however it had been a year, so I decided I should try to recuperate with someone I could trust... Skye was the first girl I had met that I would never have to worry about leaving... to worry about anything really.

I feel good around Skye... she's into almost everything I am, she has many of the same skills I do, she has the same dedication, value for life, and rarely causes upset in my heart.

I honestly think that if it had not been Skye... there would be no one... for the longest time I was so shattered... I feel myself pulling back together... I feel stronger around her.

I've taught Skye so much... and she has brought a mutual sense of gain for me.

I don't see an end to this road... I find comfort in that...

An Update... it seems like I was right about Skye, we were married in San Antonio, Texas, August 5th, 2005... I love you Skye, thank you for honoring me with the privilege to call you my Cooba... my wife...

Military Life

After a while of swinging from job to job, I decided I should get my life in gear financially, and serve my country some benefit ~ walking into the recruiters office I told them I wanted in... I also told them I wanted to be shipped out within 6 months... in only 2 months of waiting, they sent me off to Air Force boot camp ~

Boot camp is not exactly how you see it in the movies... probably because I was given "Bad TI's" as a Tech Sergeant recently told me... they would cuss at us, call us worthless, scream non-stop when they spoke to us... act nice one moment, and tell us they wanted to kill us the next...

To the last day of boot camp the broke us down... and never once tried to build us up. In fact, during Amnesty Hour, they told us they hated us, and that we were the worst flight they had ever had...

Soon after boot camp I was able to see Skye, my Mom & my Sister ~ they had visited for graduation, where afterward I could finally leave the base... it took me a while to loosen up as all I had experienced from boot camp was frustration, but I soon was able to snap out of it.

After my family and girlfriend had left, I was soon sent to my tech school "SERE School" or the "SERE Indoc Course" ~ there we were pushed to our limits physically every day ~ whether it was running 5 miles, or backpacking with 65lb rucks 4 miles ~ we were burnt out at the end of every day ~

We got to the first week of team, the point where the exercising did not bother me nearly as much and I was beginning to really enjoy the occupation... I made it through the first week without any significant issues, and was onto the second week, the first day, we had our final physical training evaluations, I passed mine with leeway ~ only to later one experience an epiphany where I realized what I would have to do only days following... kill, gut, and eat a rabbit ~

For some reason before this time I had not seriously considered what I was to do... but seeing the rabbits in their cages, and having one innocently jump up at me trying to sniff my hand... I walked into the cadre's office and told them I would not do it ~ that I quit...

The others did not understand, most men fail to grasp the concept of compassion, and that animals experience pain just like we do... that they could even have souls just like ours, or at least to no lesser value ~

I don't regret my decision, and in fact, because I chose to do this, I ended up being asked to design the official SERE web site: GoSERE.com

After waiting for the higher-ups to re-class me into a new job, I was assigned Security Forces, I then spent 13 weeks in Technical School, where everyone was pretty much miserable and unappreciative... I however, thought it was alright, but it was pretty awful being apart from my wife...

After graduating Tech School I flew home to work with the recruiter's for two weeks, where I then began the drive from Washington to Oklahoma, across many states ~ totaling 2,000 miles. Once I arrove I began to in-process, and found a great place to stay, Huntington Apartments in Midwest City.

As of January 1st 2006, I have continued to work in the US Air Force at Tinker AFB as Security Forces Personnel defending multi-million dollar planes, and Tinker Air Force Base itself.

Physical Appearance

Height: 5'11

I'm rather happy with my height... I feel above the others, and realize so many are above me... sadly, it seems only those who are shorter than me are beyond me... as to what I have experienced thus far... they are also female... I would like it no other way.

=Weight: 163

I've gained more muscle tone as of late... my body is still toned, and stable...

Eyes: Large, Hazel

They have orange dots... or so I've been told... the eyes are a massive power source to me... yet unfortunately, many only use them as an observation device...

=Head Size: 7 & 3/4ths

I've always had a large head... but at least it's not one of those special heads where you need to custom make helmets and hats... heh... but it does max out at 8.

Waist Size: 32

I've always been around this area, but never more than 32... I'm rather lucky I think.

Shoe Size: 11

For the longest time I had been wearing size 13's... silly part is I had been listening to everyone say I would grow into them... what eva... I had a reality check and got the right size.

Hair: Light Brown, Thick

The length changes... yet I wish it could be so very long... maybe because no one else's is... to an extent, or maybe it is because I truly feel content in having a part of my body move in a beautiful pattern when the wind blows. Maybe I like it because it makes me look so much better than the alternative, and drives the judgmental types away before they ever consider speaking to me... all my life, when I've cut my hair short, women tell me how good I look... the women who conform, who are stuck to the brick wall with everyone else... the people I truly care about, like it no matter what, and tell me the same after I cut it as they would before it was cut ~ this is in alternative to holding back negative comments for the sake of dishonesty & discomfort's survival...

Skin: Light, Mild Hair, Blemished

Since the age of 12 I have been covered in acne... it attacked my face, then my neck, then my back... when my face cleared up, my arms began to show signs of blemish, and now it is just a matter of time before the rest clears... I find myself avoiding swimming pools due to this issue, not for the sake of my comfort, but because I don't want people to see yet another unpleasant element to our world... the women I have dated, for some reason they all don't seem to care, when the topic comes about, I am told, I am loved for every aspect... it's amazing to see what good lies in those I let in... as if in people, I see so much more, without ever knowing what I've found until I wipe the dust away.

As for my skin color, I am happy to be what I am, yet have found through self-analyzation that I would probably feel the same way if I were any other color... it is rather surprising how much I thank whatever creator that be, for the body I was given...

Clothing: Dark, Loose & Calm

I enjoy, above many things, wearing dark clothing, specifically black. It is so calm to me as I feel solid, untouchable, strong in black ~ I could peer at a wall for an hour as if I was staring right through it, believing the wall was nothing but sand, about to fall... nothing can get to me in black... hair is to Sampson, as long coats, light/loose clothes, and darkness in every thread, is to me.

Physical Accomplishments

1.5 Mile Run: 9:59

My best time for the 1.5 mile run, it was tough, but I did it... less than 3 months ago that time was 11:32...

1 Mile Run: 6:26

I did this July 13th, 2005... I vomited about four times when I was done... I was so shocked I did so well... my best time before this was 7:07, so you can see the improvement.

Push Ups: 89

Sure, it's not amazing, but it is my best... I think I've done more... I just can't recall how fairly I did them...

Pull Ups: 35

Yes, I've done 35 pull ups before... on average I do 21, but if you're talking the full on full up, full down ones, I can only get about 16.

Sit Ups: 78

I did these on the same day I did 89 push ups... it was a PT eval for the SERE Indoc course.

4 Mile Ruck March: 57:26

It is rather difficult to carry a heavy ruck sack (backpack full of rocks) and make the deadline for 4 miles in under an hour... but I did it, every time, all three times.

Inside The Mind

Head: Sharp Jaw Bone, Large Skull, Brow Makes Shadow Over Eyes

My skull has made it so I appear threatening, and even, spooky ~ I loved this when I chose to be what many called "gothic" ~ yet I always felt those who officially called themselves "gothic" were simply below what I wanted to represent... I'm not into putting on make-up, I'm not into sacrificing animals, I'm not into dirty sex, or nasty music... these things and drugs by stereotype of the social group are what gave so many the wrong impression whenever I put on the color black... yet when I do put it on, none of that seems to contend with the energy I feel in it, the power...

Mental Conditions: None

I have no official issues with the way I think, no psychiatrist has called me crazy, or recommended medication, no issues regarding any type of attention has ever been called upon with my name in regards, nor, if one were to ever happen, I knowingly have not been a concern of anyone, other than that of my peers of which I continuously find myself easily "freaking them out", or "blowing their minds".

Intelligence Quotient: 143

A fancy way of saying "IQ" ~ A few tests say different things... all above average, but not by far, so as you can see, according to a test, I'm no "wiz-kid".

High School GPA: 2.54

All I can say about this is, I never really applied myself... nor do I care now, or have cared about grades. I'm just not the type. The only thing I ever really worried about academically, was my diploma, that of which I received a little earlier than my class.

Words As Description by Others

I have been called all of the following:

(by women) brilliant, weird, fascinating, a genius, jerk, intense, passionate, extreme, interesting, deep, crazy, funny, hilarious, cool

(by boys) freak, weird, ass, moron, idiot, jackass, ignorant, smartass, deep, crazy, funny, fag, gay, hardcore, cool