GJD Emails, short for Gregory J. Daniel Emails, are a collection of letters and MySpace messages sent and received by Greg that he shared on the "Gregory J. Daniel" version of his Onision Site in 2005. (Source)
Sensitive information censored.
You're not the last person who will feel the way you feel, nor do you have a chance of being the first... those who do kill themselves due to the way you feel, those people are lost forever, because they never really gave themselves a chance to explore the reality of things, they never tried to talk to their family about it, they never openly asked for help, they just took the beating, time and again after ~ later resorting to what so many could have helped them prevent ~
Even in this I imagine you are not serious, so many girls want to kill themselves, and yet just the same so many girls are too scared to pierce the skin, as you say you will soon not feel such terror in doing so.
Cutting yourself, hurting yourself, it will not ease the pain, but it will lie to you, it will help you lie to yourself more so ~ it is not because no one cares that you feel the way you do, it is because you won't give the world a chance, you won't explore ~
Your perception of this reality, it is because of your age, not even specifically your situation. You're mother is not too hard on you, you're brother has not abandoned you, people do want you to stick around to see the end of it all ~ you're voice is there to entertain you because you have so little to focus on otherwise...
You don't know how to be productive otherwise due to your immense lack in faith that you can accomplish something truly positive ~
You're wrong, this time you are so very wrong, and to feel sorry for yourself is to slap all those who really have something terrible in their past, those locked in the cellars, those born with AIDS those who lose their limbs slowly bleeding to death as they are devoured by their predatory enemies...
Understand that whether or not you exist is up to you, in the same, whether or not you matter to anyone other than your family ~ whether or not you are worth the waking day, this is up to you.
Live for a life worth living, or die for a life worth killing.
No one can really save you but yourself, just remember those who continue to live on despite every physical and emotional woe in this world, and then look at your warm house, your still-living family, your future with great potential.
I hope you find disgust in feeling the way you do, for you will have learned much sooner than all of your peers, who cry, and desire to hurt themselves just as you do.
You have value if you deem your life valuable, and use it as if it were such.
Know that what you do with your future defines you... if that be killing yourself, than you must know, you have just failed and quitted the biggest game life has to offer, itself.
I Dare To Be...
E-Mail: Letter To YMCA
When I first signed on with the YMCA, it was suggested by Libby [...] (Site Director of [...] Elementary for the YMCA) that I record 6:30p every day for my sign off time regardless of the actual sign-off time. This was asked of me because she also recorded 6:30 even though she usually left around anywhere from 5:45 to 6:15. I tried to comply with her request for the first week, but then asked her if she would mind me changing my falsely recorded time and let her keep hers. She argued with me a bit, she suggested that the YMCA would never know, and that I should “loosen up”. I told her no, and said that I would record my hours as they were in reality.
This new system worked for me for the first month, then she started leaving at 5:00p while there were still about 5-10 kids left for me to watch over. I felt this was fine, as I had assumed she was not recording hours beyond the time she left. I was wrong however, when I looked through the drawers for the scissors and I found her time chart instead. Immediately I noted saw every day she had still recorded 6:30, including the Monday, Wednesday and Friday that she had left early every week up till now. She will leave early and record 6:30 today as well.
Yesterday I learned something new strait from her comments. I told her “Libby, I showed up early today for planning, you might want to change your schedule to that as well as we are both supposed to have met.” (of course this can easily get me in trouble, I realize this, and in some way I should be held accountable for the silence I have offered to her actions.) After I had said that, she responded “No, it’s ok, I just record 1:30 for every day, Alison does not notice it so it’s no big deal.” I immediately responded “What?” she continued “Well, I leave early anyway so it makes up for that time.” --- Knowing that she had recorded that she left at the same time, or later than me every day made me very frustrated that she had just lied to me, stolen more money from the YMCA.
I want to suggest now that action be taken. When she first asked me to lie, she also stated “Well, if Alison ever asks me to go back to recording my actual time I will.” --- take that how you wish.
If you need to talk to me in person about this issue, feel free to contact me [...] for a meeting.
I am well aware of the fact that I have been also lying all this time to the YMCA by keeping her theft silent --- please handle this fact however you wish.
I truly enjoy working with the kids at [...], and do not want Libby to have her position taken away --- however we must find a solution to these issues.
[...]/YMCA Site Leader
E-Mail: Resignation from YMCA
The last few months with the YMCA have been very enlightening, and I greatly appreciate the opportunity provided for me. As of recently I have come within days of graduating high school, and because I now realize that I am one step away from the requirements of independence taking over my life, I have begun my search for a job that can support my soon to be obtained financial situation.
In planning for this change I have decided that I will be leaving the YMCA child care field on the 18th of June (this month). My resignation has little to do with the stresses that have developed in recent times on the job and is more so related to my desires for a greater sense of stability. My cousin is helping me find a place in the area of plumbing which I believe has a great chance of filling my needs perfectly --- which will help me even more in fulfilling other’s.
I truly appreciate what the YMCA has provided, and honestly I feel no joy in leaving other than the change in salary I will experience. I hope I have been a good worker for the Y thus far despite this morning’s mistake (I feel terrible about it) --- and I wish the best for the Y’s future.
Please call me with any questions or comments if you have some on this note.
E-Mail: The Love of Fear
Not too long ago, I was wearing cartoons on my shirt, and shorts seemed to be the only clothing I enjoyed wearing. It seemed my entire life was pretty, and everything in the world… my world, was warm and caring in its own way.
As I progressed in life, many troubles appeared before my unsteady eyes. I realized that all the good things in my world were only a small portion of a larger existence; a larger world of people that seemed to be unlike me in every way other than the mandatory physical activities required to survive.
Ever since the time the clouds cleared, and my mind no longer took snap shots, but rather recorded every event in its own brutal reality, I have fallen.
As you have said, one’s own actions and even personality can be based off of how they were raised, yet even after I was raised, society… people brought up differently than I, seemed to spit in my face, turn their shoulders when I was beaten, laugh in my face, and threaten my very life.
In the desert, every lost soul’s dream is to discover an Oasis… a patch of nutrients and water, food and even hopes of surviving another day of the harsh conditions.
In my past, I have indeed come across areas of water, yet such areas had made me sick from the pollution… and yet I still drank… as one must divide between the alternatives… those I had not seen or felt to be existent.
Through each person I find in my life, I notice different qualities, and different charms to make my days ease by with a comforting emotion… After each individual… after each section of shallow waters, it seems I learn more, I feel more; yet as I continue on through my life… my desert… it seems I desire not to look back, yet rather remember, and with that move on into my future.
It all seemed to begin when I gain my conscious and my advanced detail in memory. I don’t touch stove tops anymore when they are heated, and I don’t listen to music so loud my ears ring… with this in mind, those who have fallen behind in the days past, shall always be the past.
Esa, you are an entire section of my life… a part of it in which I will remember until the day I die, or the day I suffer from amnesia. You are the Oasis I have sought for so long… or so I believe this is true. I don’t want to move on further through the desert, as I have neared the conclusion that there is no home other than the one far behind me.
My warmth lost in childhood is gone forever… my ignorance towards what is positive and negative has faded so much that it seems I cannot fail in identification anymore… when I look at you, I do not see flaws, I do not see corruption. At times past, I have on impulse sought out ways to completely eliminate anything that seemed to take you away from my ideal and aspired perfection of you… yet as time passes, I only find discover that the imperfections seen upon you were only a reflection of who I am… no one has influenced my emotions like you have… there is so much warmth in your eyes, in your presence, and it seems that I am where I always wanted to be since the time of my last days among fresh air.
You fear that one day I will turn on you… that the light inside your soul will dim in my eyes, and I will no longer consider you the oasis worth drinking from… I have come to find a person who will not deceive me, is inspirational, is intelligently argumentative, is capable of meaningful conversation, is beautiful in every possible physical way I could image, is a positive attribute of society, is an advanced intellect, is knowledgeable, is loving in most all situations, has a future, is understanding, is modest, is honest, and seems to offer every other aspect I have ever wanted in a person…
I can’t say any of the things listed are even slightly questionable… and because I realize all these things, all these elements of which I have sought out in this world for so long, I can do nothing but push my heart, mind, and all substances representing who I am towards a time in which I desire so dearly to embrace once again.
Maybe in a common perspective you are not all the things I listed… maybe other people do not see what I see… yet I have found you, and my only curse is that I sometimes feel you have not yet seen me… that this amazing and powerful individual does not recognize me for anything more than another face in the crowd of lost loves…
My fears are the same as yours… I realize that now…
E-Mail: Hello Margaret
From your regards I get the impression you do not recall our last conversation... anti-drugs?
Mmm... how about my critique of your picture... you look like the awesomest girl ever? Church bells chiming, and yet we seem deaf...
<--- You freakin jerk! (me freaking what!!!??)
Mmm... sometimes... no... no... often, I have a complicated issue with resisting the blurt of negative comments despite the outcome... I have been excessively called an a**hole and a jerk ~ I really don't like the first one as the thought of the literal meaning is disgusting to me... but the second is not bad...
I am... often... a sociopath... I find that you described yourself somewhat in this way too...
If I am being damaged emotionally to an extreme extent (like if someone is breaking up with me, or someone just cheated on me... or someone just told me I should die or no longer exist --- all coming from those I care about), my emotions will shut down, and I will begin saying things that I mean, but in a stronger sense, more blunt sense.
All of the above examples really happened... I told my first love that she no longer deserved my time, and I ended our conversations until I healed... once due to her drug use, second to her cheating... there was no third (this are the significant break ups I mention.)
Then there was the various break ups on their part towards me... most did not matter, but some did, in which I smiled, not feeling a thing, sometimes never feeling at all ~
And lastly, my ex-girlfriends' sister of which I began to love like family ~ she told me she wished I would die, she wished I did not exist... I smiled, and said she was horrible for saying those things, I said she was ugly on the inside, that she did not deserve to look at me...
I made her cry many times due to what she had said to me... in a way this makes me a monster... in a way, this makes me a god.
[sighs deeply] I invented a religion, one I believe anyone who wants peace --towards-- (not on) Earth, and less discrimination in our lives would follow.
It follows the philosophy that we all come from the Earth, it is our true mother, and that any hand which hurts it, disrespects it, should fall back to it so they may be used to feed those less destructive, such as the soil.
You should see it too... Sicesca ~ most people call me crazy for making it up... so I ask them how their religion came about...
It's always started by men like me, only I am honest, I was not using drugs when I wrote what I did, I was not in a desert hallucinating when I wrote what I did... I did not base my entire faith off of my eyes, in a way, what I believe is barely a faith, it is more fact ~
So many people base their purpose on a higher power, something they have no proof of existing. I nearly bled to death in a church of God, no one was there to rescue me but my mother ~ Where is any proof valid enough to dedicate your life? To de-educate my life in such a manner, that is one of the few true sins.
I am bored of men believing strength of body equates out to universal dominance, I am bored of women saying "girl power" which only turns into girl disgrace when they put their might up to a mans...
Most have weakness of the mind which leads to inevitable failure of the body, of the spirit ~ I could never love a woman so small in heart... nor will I ever adore a man who feels women should tremble at his feet.
I am telling you all of this, Black Rose, as you want to know more about me... I may shine a new aura to you know, but I doubt it is an unwelcomed glow.
I mentioned before how people have called me a liar, I assure you, those people who name such names ~ they look into a mental reflection when they state such claims, for I'll lie upon nothing but the floor, and that day, is the day I die.
You inspire me with your wicked smile Rose, write me back ~ your words are anticipated.
Good bye Margaret.
- Gregory J.
----------------- Original Message -----------------
Date: Mar 21, 2005 5:35 PM
nice to meet you gregory, I’m margaret. as you already know from one post, i hate drugs and alcohol. my life revolvs around music. though my favorite kind is metal, i like classical, jazz, opera, and much more. i have also played the drums for awhile, and know some keyboard and violin.
i dont really know where to begin about myself. i will just tell you things people have said about me...
i am somewhat of an introvert, although once you get to know me, i am very talkative. i am what you would call a sweetheart. i am almost never rude, unless the person is rude to me first :P. once you get to know me, my bad side might surface, and through one 4 year long relationship i discovered some of my weaknesses: selfishness (only child and adopted) and i am really not an apathetic person. i have an odd view on death as well, it has never really affected me.
i am an extremely loyal friend, and very giving if i love you (not in a romantic sense). i dont think i know what romantic love is. sometimes i feel so numb to the whole love thing i dont even know. heh. anyway, i am currently single, although i still talk to my ex boyfriend and about 4 other people, but i really dont want a relationship right now. i would rather just hang out with people and explore myself. sort out my own problems and learn who i am before i make that kind of commitment.
what about you? you breifly described yourself, but what about beyond interests? oh, and, why did you add me? :D thanks for the add though. i can already tell you are going to be one of my favorite myspace buddies
Letter: Sister In BMT
What’s mck-Cracking? I read over one of your letters… probably three judging by how long it was… J Um… I want to remind you of something.
You are a unique and important individual… the guys at basic are supposed to make you feel like crap so they can more easily control you… they want to break down your spirit… and then build it back up so you will grow to like them more… feel like they are some sort of savior. That’s what boyfriends also do… they can treat you like crap for a while, and then pick you up when you need them too… so you feel like they are there for you, even though really they treat you like crap on the side… the military’s intentions are better than that of course… but not by much.
MMmmkay… so just know that we all care about you, and as long as you’re strong, and you pretend like their manipulation is working (but really your just fucking with them) you’ll be fine. J Understand?
So anyway… Mom has really been hassling me about Skye… she keeps saying “Are you having sex with her?” and “You need to pay rent if you’re having sex.” WTF???? It does not make any sense… but the truth is, I am, and I am using protection… there is a guard standing by when we do it, so everything is cool… especially cause he does not charge much to make sure no ninja’s come in when we are doing the nasty… mua ha ha… rrg…
Yeah… but I’m not telling her about it because she has been a real dick about it… I mean… every time I come home, there she is… finding another problem… she left yesterday, and the kitchen was a mess, so Skye and I decided to clean EVERYTHING up… so we cleaned off the counters, put all the clean dishes away, and put the dirties in the wash… but there was a pan… so I decided that would be the one thing I would not wash. I soaked it… when she came home, she started belting “I don’t mean to be a bitch, but you know not to soak cast-iron pans because they get rusty.” I then walked out an emptied the pan of water, and said “There ya go.” Walking off she called after me to wash it, then I pulled out my debating skill and made her realize it was her pan, her mess, and that I had already cleaned up one of them… grr… ha… moving on.
Well… I hope you are doing awesome thar in TEXASS… best of wishes… and I plan to contact you again… so until then.
- Love Gregowee
Letter: Take Me Back
[...] College Attendance Appeal Letter
Since September of 2002, I have been settling out, and managing the priorities and vital aspects of my life, I have gone through allot to get to the point of where I am now. Free education was not an element which I had known much of, and while I was experiencing the advanced learning, and maturity level that the other students presented, I never wanted to have any other form of education, besides [...].
The first quarter I was slacking off, it could have been because of my social life at the time, or even more so my overall inspiration in the activities I became a part of... I did what I needed to do to pass the classes, but that was all I did. Because of my lack in appreciation for the Computer Intro interests (thinking I was a pro) I did not pay enough attention to the teacher, in fact I had little respect for what we were doing, as I thought it would be an easy grade, yet when the tests came and left, I started to feel uneasy about the entire process, realizing that it was my grade at stake, I started to study more and more, yet with every passing grade in the computer class, I only met par, if even so barely.
The quarter passes, and I received my GPA information, I sighed when I saw the results, relieved I was not on probation, but as it turns out, I could also be on probation by getting below a 2.0 GPA. At that point I knew I had to do something to change this undesired fate, so in the next quarter I signed up for three classes just as before, and I put all my effort into them. I showed up 98% of the class days, and I studied for every test. I knew the ups and downs to every class I was taking, yet in the end, another computer class tore my grade in half. This time I did work hard, and I did learn the material of the class, in fact I am typing on my own computer right now that I built from scratch. How did I learn this? Easy, at [...] college, in the class which gave me a 0.7 – Why did I get such a low grade? Because my grades did not turn out well when it came to tests. I know how to put together a computer blindfolded now, I know mostly all the terms for computer parts and general vocabulary, yet somehow even after my effort, I was shown the road, because I could not cut it in computer tests.
I have been attending [...] High school lately so I can graduate early, and stay with everyone else on the graduation stream. I have found that at [...] the teachings are respectable, but slow. It takes twice as long to get half of what you can obtain at [...], there are constant reminders of things I do not wish to think about that “teens are all about”. I am not one to fail at what I do, nor am I one to give up. I want to attend [...] to place my life in the running again, I can give you no less than a 2.5 GPA this time around, as [...] deserves more than that. I truly appreciate what this school has given me, and I truly hope I can soon come back to prove I am worth the time, and the money to be a part of the [...] community.
In order to make sure my grades do follow my words, I am going to stay away from all computer classes, as I would, in fact, still be attending [...] right now if it was not for them. I plan to sign up for classes I and survive well in, and advance. I wish to contribute back to [...] as much as it has given me, and all I ask now is the opportunity. I have been to other colleges, and [...] in comparison, is amazing. I do not want to loose that.
Letter: Snowblind & Gaming Aspirations
Hello, I am Greg Daniel,
Currently I am a webmaster, musician & writer for various web sites, movie productions & other miscellaneous projects. I am highly interested in supporting & contributing to Snowblind Studios in every way I can in using my skills to its advantage. For a long while now I have been seeking satisfaction through productivity and the simplistic entertaining elements of life --- one of these being playing Champions of Norrath with my girlfriend. Today I found out that your headquarters are located in Bellevue Washington which amazes me as I live near & have just finished ordering two of your titles (Champions of Norrath (the CD was scratched somehow and would not work in my PS2) & Baldur's Gate: Dark Alliance) due to a voluntary addiction to leveling up & have enjoyed your game over any other game I have played (well... GTA3 was great years ago).
Right now I am looking into joining a Plumbing Apprenticeship regardless of the fact that my family members advise me to seek out a job that supports my greater interests (graphic design, bizarre story writing & dark music orchestration) I have found that it is rather complicated to find a job that involves computers and active thinking simultaneously. A while back I sent in a resume to a gaming company while telling them about my (now inactive) sites: EGHQ.com & TheGameCube.com --- in hopes to become a game tester. I received a call days later in regards to the job and how they were interested in employing me only to realize I lived to far away from them to drive back and fourth on a daily basis. Sadly I had to turn down the job.
Now I am writing your company > not < because I want to be a paid employee, > not < because I am looking for Advil to soothe my greed-headache, but because every game I have ever played has shown significant problems in vital areas, these areas continue to make the gaming world look like a joke to those who did not grow up playing Pac-Man or Super Mario, those who are oblivious to the fact that some games take more effort & work than many Hollywood productions ever could. I want to change the gaming world for the better, make it productive, have every gamer explore an area of this existence that they could never do without the games I would support. I looked to all the gaming titles that have come out, all the companies that produce software, and found that Snowblind studios produces games that represent achievement and productivity while maintaining a significant entertainment factor above all other software companies.
Every week at EGHQ I receive a few emails from people applying for jobs on the site, they speak of how they can change my site for the better, how they can make everything work right, really they are just saying there is something wrong with my site and I should just give up now. Considering this I look what I can do for Snowblind, as I see it, the company has done awesome without me, and they will most definitely continue to do so, yet in my mind nothing is perfect until it is perfected, and nothing is complete until it is completed --- the world of games always has 9.9 9.7 85% 97% but never 10 never 100% --- I've wondered what I can really do for video games and I believe it's time I tell you.
The following is a list of things that could change your games for the better, and I'm giving them to you regardless of whether or not I ever receive a reply to this letter.
Champions of Norrath:
1. Males and females contain different qualities and abilities, as they should in the game as well, regardless of their species/race.
2. Weapons are limited in all video games I have seen up to this point. Rarely are heads used as weapons in games, wrists... teeth even. In Norrath, 1 weapon should remain equip-able on their backs, one small weapon on each side of the hip, some helmets should be spiked in order to create an extra attack ability (when swords break, or are smashed out of their hands), knives should have the option of being attached to boots through the threads and wrists guards along with blades that should be available to equip on each arm.
3. Instead of running back to save through every death, players should be able to rebuild the fallen character from enemy body parts (it is crazy, yet it has not been done either...). When running by the next save point their flesh should return to normal while their ally-constructed body which looked exactly like the body parts from the creatures, falls into peaces behind the save point.
4. Multiplayer is a VITAL aspect of all games. Companies flop repeatedly by not supporting 4-8 player options. Norrath should feature a split screen option in which players in groups of 2 may depart and explore different areas of the map to complete levels sooner. Which could also help out 8 player support. However, this may conflict with frame flow... it could be worked out by only allowing splits in certain levels with less information, or to temporarily reduce the amount of enemies in certain areas.
5. The visual angles in Norrath were good, however frustrating on some occasions, not only should the game give 1st player and only 1st player the ability to control the camera more dynamically in game play, but they should also be able to zoom in to character faces, take snap shots of areas of the enemies/allies and use a ghost/spectator camera to visit areas of the map they have > already < seen (all out of game play... pause menu) to make sure they had not missed anything.
I would love to give you more ideas, but I have a little bit more information to give you before this letter is over --- I came up with all of this while typing, none of the ideas were thought out before I began to write nor gathered else ware (I have yet to read any reviews of Norrath, I just saw that the creators of Baldur's Gate also created CoN and bought it) so through request, I can easily create more to assist.
Online, I am working for a non-profit organization to rid Seattle of crime --- the organization is called Seattle Neighborhood Group, you can find the site I constructed for them at SNGi.org (we're currently creating a site using my updated skills in design) --- this job has offered great learning experience for me for the past year regarding html scripting, public relations, graphic design & general business. The company hired me because they recognized my skills and how the abilities could assist them. Since then they have flourished on their own while also benefiting from my promotions of their organization, contribution to their online appeal, knowledge of their existence & overall information flow through the hundreds of computers that their mailing-list recipients, staff members and politicians of Seattle use.
Some of the web sites I have designed are under the control of Antonio Castillo, I sent him an email just like this one three years ago, and since then he has had many web sites designed for him by myself for his profit --- these sites include NewbiesHost.com, OnlineForums.biz, and various other sites that now redirect to his main focus.
As before I had mentioned I am inspired and heavily involved in music & literature, you will find sites dedicated to productions created by myself from scratch at MrOdd.com (designed/created by myself) OneMandBand.com (all music, content designed/created by myself) --- and of course you will also find the board I host MessageHoard.com & the two video game sites TheGameCube.com & EGHQ.com --- along with these are sites I have designed for businesses that my family has started, a high school (LakesHigh.com) & night clubs around Seattle that needed a web site to support their events.
The entire point of me writing you tonight was to inform Snowblind studios of my significant desire to make their games better, near-perfect even. I have a keen eye for glitches, problems in logistics through game play and for seeking out new ideas/elements that have never been seen in video games before. I have written two books (neither attempted to be published other than on MrOdd.com) & created over 50 lyric-less songs. I am able to solve problems of all kinds & am not satisfied until productions are completed in a presentable state.
This letter is not about hiring a new staff member, it is about making your games the best, it is about becoming a game company that produces games which every console owner, pc owner must have. I believe I can give your games ideas that other companies will marvel at.
Call me on my cell [...] - Write me back Greggo@MrOdd.com - or contact me at home [...] and we'll discuss change.
I have attached an image to represent the type of graphics/sites I design & a short resume.
I would love to read all about Snowblind and how I can become a part of its productions --- please send me what information you can, I am very interested in helping out Snowblind in any way desired. Thank you very much for your time.