I write as I go... following word after word... what shall I say today as I scratch my crotch and listen to nails grace my face... my ears.
Try to save my mind but my mind just falls away... away from what I saw today, tomorrow, last week... I'm gone.
In finding myself I see only confusion and mixed perception. Oooh diggity, is it the best of November yet? Is it the one day I seek out every waking day of the year? Is it the day I finally find meaning, only to lose it all again the next, 364 away from the day I wanted to always be a part of, endlessly.
I found a condo today... an apartment... but is she a druggie? Will she really take me in, or blow me out? I found a cozy shell amongst a cluster amongst patches, amongst earthly structures amongst existence...
The French woman sings in my ear of how she loves me unless I am one of them ~ the devil no... the god no... the pergist... no.
Unless I am what her father told her to hate... I feel so alone with you, no you, no you, all of you, no, just you. It is as if the world turns inward, asking me to feel complete, and what I find is what I seek most is something I can't even imagine... just yet.
Mmm... embrace me... oh do embrace me... or will you just let this all go... I don't want you to touch me, just stay for a while... or maybe I would feel better if you had never showed up from the source.
I don't see love in what is so fragile as human perception... you seem to like my smile... but wait... would you like his smile on my face better? Is it because I am me? What is "me"? A combination of chemicals that if they were to change you would convict me for life in the category of insane!?
No... I think I'm done with looking, seeking, feeling... If I placed this knife, in your throat, if I slit, tugged, pulled away at your organs... you would not love me any longer... If I were so insane...
Maybe mothers are those most divine... I love you son, but you must die... she says... you've killed too many cats, dogs, people... and after you die, so will I... she says... she says... she says... oh gosh.
It looks like I'll have to kill you mom.
I am Gregory James Daniel... and I am lonely beyond what any comfort could silence.
Tribute To Sane Boys
[Now Kids, Beware, This Poem May Give You A Scare]
I want to have sex with her,
But if she were here, I wouldn't.
I want to rub her every corner,
But if she were here I'd gag.
I'm talking about the porn star,
The one I masturbate to,
But would never actually touch...
In real life...
I want to experiment,
Position after position,
But only if I don't have to move...
Only if it's all in my mind.
I want to bump, rub, lick, rub...
But only if it's a fantasy.
I want to masturbate...
But I just did that...
I want to take a dump...
But I don't feel like it...
I want to pee...
I want to puke...
I want to feel...
I want to DO something...
But I just don't feel like it...
I want to look into her eyes,
And tell her it's just a fling...
I want to have sex with her,
But only in a ghetto dream...
I would not actually touch her,
Unless she were my stroking hand,
I want to masturbate...
But I just did that.
Today I walked into our building...
I saw you... and you...
And the same boy,
Talking to the walls that he called friends.
I looked into your eyes,
And your eyes...
And your soul...
I didn't feel you burn my brain...
But I bet you felt me...
Today I realized that there is hope in this world...
Not you... you... or you.
I only see a sane reflection,
And your not standing by me.
I've learned to ignore you,
Because you bore me --- into a category...
One that I find pathetic...
Just like you?
Today was just like every other day...
Except today was one day closer...
To the day that I never have to see you again.
Poem About You
The moment I finally leap.
What got me here is not what lets me fall…
But I’ll fly just the same.
You call me…
And it hurts…
Sometimes you really do.
I watch my skin…
Tare away from my face.
Sliding, slamming, tripping --- down this building.
I wish I didn’t slip…
Maybe the tears made me forget…
If only someone were there to catch me…
I guess I’d break their arms.
But that’s ok…
Maybe it all is.
Yesterday, do you remember that?
That’s when I heard it…
It was the last time I would ever listen.
You said it --- and all things later did not matter.
When I shot you…
When I killed you…
I did not cry.
We are all waste air with our thoughts...
At least I helped.
Life never had to make sense, and maybe it never will.
But I’ve given up… so I’ll never know what’s what.
Just promise me, when I cross onto your side…
That you won’t hate me… because I can’t murder…
...what’s already dead.
Six Golden Towers
Looking up, I see a man,
Pains past from before,
Yet blood still soaks my hands.
I walk into a meadow,
A place where I do not belong,
Seeking out my own crescendo,
To complete my life’s song.
I fall into the flowers,
In this land beyond all seas,
Surrounded by golden towers,
A paradise, devoid of disease.
No one is here to love my face,
For I seek none to fuel this shine,
I feel divine in this enchanted place,
One day to hold my name as a sign.
Tonight I slowly close my eyes,
Beneath the sky of blue and gray,
Blinded by my twisted desire,
A mirage no doctor can take away.
Waking in a place I know too well,
Screams surrounding every inch of my mind,
The battle for heaven bringing on this hell,
The war sought out by my own man of kind.
I’ve lost an eye and the other brings on tears,
Every day I cry, trying to avoid inevitable fears,
I stand today, as a man, fighting the devils hold.
Running to the field, random commands I find,
Ignoring the general, I pull my pistol out of its bind.
6 Bullets a round, head shots the only target I desire,
A target found, he drops to the ground,
I shoot every demon crawling out of the fire.
Fighting for a cause I hemorrhage,
Hoping one day I can live my dream,
Singing my war chant I rage,
The angels begin to fall, allied to my team.
A demon calls me into the flames,
Taunting me, haunting me, but I won’t play his games,
Those who die in this war lose there souls trapped in hell forever,
The Demons demand we give up, screaming back I yell “Never!”
Fighting till the last flame burns out,
In victory chants I shriek and shout,
Looking around I see not a heart beats but still,
And so I walk into the future,
Beyond the corpse-covered hill.
Crutches In A Car Crash
They’re hurting me, I need my pills, always,
Help me! So many around, but to them I am futile, please,
They’re in cold shadows, still ignoring my cries, falling,
My mistake, the memory is killing me now, forgive,
Looking at the others, I wonder why I don’t just jump, down,
Pains, they’re so easy to get rid of, my legs, too young to feel this fragile, these,
A fall I fear, maybe I will roll, maybe I will just slide, steep,
I feel… I feel empty… something holds me back, weak,
Hollow, I’m bound to fall through if I don’t walk off now, stairs,
Weakened, where will I land? Impact… I break everything, knees,
Today I lost my first tooth.
Now my face hurts a little...
I lost my tooth cause I bit my dad…
…when he tried to hit my mom.
She doesn’t need to hurt like I do.
Today I found out I was the best student in class.
Everyone glares at me because of it though..
I don’t care...
I’m the best student.. some say it’s because I’m smart,
But the truth is I Cheat at everything I do.
Thanks to the internet...
Today I got my first car.
The engine tends to mutter as if it’s dying though...
It still runs… right?
I “own” this car because some other guy didn’t want it bad enough…
When I put the gun in his face, a ll he did was ruin these seats.
Today I was arrested for the first time…
Today I was almost a rich man…
If that security guard wouldn’t have pulled out his gun,
I wish I could say it was a good thing.
It was his fault…
I sit in this cell because five people are dead…
I’ve committed the largest felony in the state they say…
All because I wanted some money,
They say a lot of things.
At least I’m alive…
And now I wish I were dead...
Jerk The Jerk
Every time I look in your face,
Your eyes are dead,
You don’t care for me,
And so I leave,
While you turn back,
And flip on the TV.
I walk to the deli,
And the man looks down on me,
He treats me with a frown,
He looks away,
It’s as if I’m last night’s whore…
I guess I’ll forget to pay.
The world seems to be turning,
And I want to go with the flow,
But it turns the opposite way,
And so I walk in circles,
Smiling like it’s summer,
Yet I’m being swallowed by snow.
I come home and you’re still here,
Staring at the screen,
I say there’s dinner,
Then you’ll care,
But instead I see your hand,
As if I’ll serve you.
It’s like every time I try,
Since the last day I cried…
I’m just a ghost now.
You’re a cripple,
Or so you act like it,
And I’m the mother’s breast,
It’s only there for when you want to…
Just flip back on the TV.
I sit here, in my chair,
not wondering, not hoping,
not dreaming, only writing.
Today I could write a poem about love,
about issues that I have never thought of before…
but I could…
I don’t want to try today,
I don’t feel like feeling.
I favor the presence of emptiness filled with foam.
At least I’m warm.
Will I die tomorrow?
Will my car give out in the middle of the highway?
The now does not care…
for now, I am fine.
Misery In Ignorance
You came home last night,
And I suspect you...
Your strap was down,
So I suspect you.
Yesterday you wore a smile,
Sheltering your ugly face.
You were beautiful once…
The smile made it better,
But now I’ve lost the taste,
and I wish the trash would take itself out.
I love you for three reasons,
Two of them are worth a lot of money.
I think it’s time to leave,
Are you going to pay the taxi man?
I know you have no money,
Yet you get off the charge every time.
Now how do you do that?
11 Months, and two days…
I don’t think I will search for another.
You’re all the same… right?
I would write love poems for you,
I wonder how long you would stick around,
Three days? Maybe four?
I guess I’ll have to keep on loving your body,
And avoiding your mind, one in… everyone.