Dude, Where's My Cow?

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Dude, Where's My Cow? is a short story written by Greg in 2004 for a creative writing class. He posted to his Onision site in 2005. (Source)

Story: Dude, Where's My Cow?

With a smile a surfer walks up to another boy who’s sitting on a chair drinking soda. ”Hey dude, what’s your name?” Ricko says. “I’m Benjamin, but for short people just call me ‘Dork’.” With a slight look of confusion Ricko continues, “Oh, that’s cool…” as an awkward pause passes Ricko moves on “So do you want to help me find a cow to tip over?” Raising his oncoming unibrow Dork replies “Really? You want to go do something, anything with me? But I’m such a loser, an absolute nerd to the most intense degree. I worship Star Trek, not the new ones, the old ones. Even though I have no one to write I lick envelopes and stamps just because I like the feeling on my tongue. I pick the dirt out of underneath my fingernails with my teeth and swallow. I watch scrambled cable more than basic, I live for Britney Spears, and in my free time I do nothing but play the new American Idol video game.” Ricko rolls his eyes and responds, “Actually that girl over there paid me to mess with you”. Making a sad expression Dork looks down and begins to cry. Ricko then says “I like potatoes” looking up as tears continued to fall down his face, Dork asked “What?” Grinning strangely Ricko then explains “Me like potato ricky ticky long time” As Ricko continued acting strangely a world of fire and pain opens up below them as the two are instantly sucked into the depths of the natural-made furnace.

From the corner of her ear Jessica hears her alarm clock go off and immediately sits up thinking “Whoa, what a weird dream.” only to be instantly crushed in her bed by a two story tall cow leaving sunshine pouring in through the gaping hole left in the ceiling. As “jelly” oozes out from underneath the frozen cow her brother, Benjamin, comes walking through the shattered door, and with a stunned expression he says “Dude, I found a cow!"

(the cow was frozen because it fell from the sky which happens to be pretty cold)


Greg Daniel

Creative Writing

January 14th, 2004