T.C.T.C. Journal

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T.C.T.C. Journal is an online journal Greg maintained from October 2000 to October 2001. Greg would have been 15 when he began the journal and 16 when he wrote his last entry. This journal was titled "Odd's Perspective", a title he later uses for another online journal in 2002. (What remains from it can be viewed here.) This journal was posted to his The Cries of the Crypt website, which still can be viewed today. (Source)

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10/13/00 Entry One: In my life my self-respect and integrity has been tested repeatedly and I feel I've always came through. Although it has cost me I really don't care. I'd rather be alone.... In fact I love being alone, theirs never someone there to say I'm wrong or I said something stupid. Socializing has never stopped bothering me... this doesn't include everyone I know but most people are afraid of the truth afraid of what's going on inside my head. Sure I may be abnormal because I do not look at pornography every 20 minutes and I don't smoke weed like the majority does. So I'm the freak Just because I'm not your average teen. As for your every day elderly, most of them don't even remember their childhood so they just go around bitching at teens about how it's so horrible that they just said fuck you. When they were young they said all of the cuss words in the book, and their only cuss words because people took them as bad Fuck means sexual intercourse... so what... it wouldn't even be cool if it wasn't outlawed... People anger me... luckily I can control my actions keeping my strait jacket off...

11/25/00 Entry Two: Every day I walk down the halls someone always mocks me and defaces the respect that they can not comprehend I hate to love myself knowing I'm different I don't smoke; I don't use drugs I'm a freak to the public Peer pressure never wins me over I have no need to act like anyone is my superior for as far as I'm considered there is none Every single person I have ever know always gives in to what the majority is doing Not using what this so called "God" has given them free will Even teachers/priests/mothers/fathers have all given into what the public wants and turning away from what is right I despise Christians merely because they choose God because either their parents where sinners and wanted repentance or they themselves are sinners and wish for God to save them from Satan I am not a devil worshiper I find worship of anyone pathetic and a waste of time people should believe in themselves and they would Become their own god instead of "God helped me through my car accident and kept me alive" instead say "I survived that car accident because I am strong and I have the will to survive" You would be more satisfied and probably live much longer Worship of someone else says that you believe you are scum and you don't even deserve to view whomever you worship's face I am not saying I'm perfect Far from it Just know there are people out there just like me Those are the only people I could ever respect sorry friends this is the truth If your outraged than you are a fool live in denial all you wish that will not change who I am and what I will always be...

12/4/00 Entry Three: So many thoughts I am glad to have not lost in my young age as I still am now Life an amazing mystery and endless paths through it all the stress and happiness putting me on an emotional roller-coaster Insanity scaring many but yet an understanding has come and whisked me away into another form of insanity one not completely sane but neither insane, I am completely aware of my surroundings As am I emotionally, yet to the public my level of normality is abnormal. I smile when I think of it, sure teens like little me are full of themselves and think they know all at times I am to far from it that even counting the range is infinite miles. Yet music and emotion help increase my minds rank and I am fulfilled with knowledge from far beyond the average. I believe I see what none other ever has been through it all but experiencing nothing. Previous lives may have been a portion of all my questions and contradictions to my own statements of a superior knowledge. Is there a purpose to my life or is my very existence planned to contribute to the upbringing of another? I will find out and before I shall the answer will become clear Life So many, and far apart...

12/18/00 Entry Four: Endless frustration surging through my body The loss of contact wishing I could be with what I had neglected before a fool am I to take what I had for granted now nothing is left and I am sickly happy I seem to confuse even myself often on how I act The tone of remembrance how one would wish to speak but no words could ever come out into and actual sentence. Why must everything be off key and out of line? Why can't things be closer to perfection? I wish with all I have that soon will come a day of blindness where none cares what the appearance of someone is and weather or not every hair on their head is in place Personality should always matter and soon many teens will realize this as people age on I have noticed that they become more aware of what is necessary in an actual healthy relationship bonding not the chains of beauty that will only put you with the crowd for a limited amount of time Though my dream will never become reality I do not mind Dealing with the things you have brings greater rewards in the future maybe not the near future but most likely the far After death Of course I do not know this for sure and who possibly could? Though hatred and cruelty has ruled my mind and might for quite some time I still have a good side There is still a boy inside a shell screaming for help this boy may give up and die or may be heard and bloom Those are my paths I say I am not effected by my surroundings but yet in small doses I am being drained down to the level of ignorance and blindness Unlike my father that shall never happen for I am a much stronger man and have proved that many times... I cannot continue but more shall be added soon...

Entry Five 1/6/01: Finally getting through and a distant voice responding unimportant? Constant insults coming from my conscience trying to hammer me down and mutate me into putty for God and his followers to mold into yet another pathetic Christian boy I will never succumb to anyone's command for I am to strong The only thing that could possibly kill me now is the closest one to me you know who you are Even if death overpowers my heart I will always live on and that is the least of my worries.

10/1/01: Today is a decent time for not many errors have corrupted my optional attitude… The others do not insult for this periodic moment. Yet the memories of hate and blind assumptions directed towards my appearance and personality do not fade. Tis a pity one must attack without knowing the true purpose.

More WTC: I believe that we are partially at fault for the attacks weather we are aware or not the events have still taken place and we have indeed pissed the people of Afghanistan off. Our government is most likely doing more then we assume, either that or, they are only jealous of our dominance. Osama Bin Ladin is apparently a god to them and their superior leader, obviously thinking this is some sort of “Holy War” when to us it is just revenge. Tis a pity we just may have to pay for our countries possible mistakes. We are more vulnerable then you all think…

Nonetheless, until my next entry, fare thee well.