Mr Odd Journal

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Mr Odd Journal is an online journal Greg kept on early versions of his Mr Odd website. There are possibly missing entries after the October 4th entry.

10:41 PM, October 4th, 2003

Hello friends... and not so much friends... I had to make three attempts, and on the third attempt I was able to make a recoding in which none of my breath was picked up by the darn thing... I hope one or two of you give it a good listen... I guess it is kinda interesting if you are into hearing and analyzing other people's speech patterns and general tendencies.

Isnt is strange to meet a person, and then become good friends with them, only to later on discover an entirely new aspect of who they are, and feel a strong urge to vomit? Yes... well... most people seem to have been raised wrong... Esa said that a significant section of the human personality is based off of their childhood experiences.. I independently found out that we usually turn out to develop the same personality as those we despised in ways as a child...

You see everyone? This is why we shouldn't let kids watch Terminator III... it's just awful to make kids think that they can alter their breast size by looking at a Victoria's Secret billboard... mua ha ha...

If you detected that these paragraphs are paragraphs souly because they do not connect in a sensible manner... you are right! I just want to make a little less sense than I normally do... for once.

Download: October 13th Audio Journal

10:41 PM, October 4th, 2003

Hello, how are all of you? Well that's nice... sheese, I should probably consider setting up a chat room for this site or something like such... it only makes sense right? People want to talk to me... right? RIGHT? [shakes head and smiles]

Ok, so I set up a new system of journalism... or adding to my journal without writing... for all of you who care to know what I sound like, please feel no restraint to download my file... it should be a repetitive thing, and I promise not to be as boring as I was in the first entry, through all future additions.

Super man (the cartoon) is a pretty sweet show... ever think about how hard it must be to animate your cartoon characters, and make them good characters at the same time? I assure you, it is very complicated... I am pretty sure that you can download a few examples of my animations... just go to "Wicked design"... shicky shick blah blah... I know... time to download the first of the audios... not goodbye, just the audio file.

Download: October 4th Audio Journal

8:55 PM, September 24th, 2003

I saw the film "Once Upon A Time In Mexico" with two friends of mine today... and I realized something mortifying, all of us have the default fate of failure, and financial support from the government to keep us just above cardboard housing... after witnessing what I had dropping one of my friends of in her old neighborhood, I found that the direction I have been heading in life has a high potential to end me up in exactly the same places I drove by. Low-quality, paint chipped houses with barely an extra dollar to buy candy... I found that I am amazingly fortunate to have grown up how I have. I never hung out with a crowd that could hurt me mentally or physically, and the locations I have past resided in were all middle-class...

Today I have developed a new aspect of myself, if not enhanced an already-existent one. From this day fourth, I am making it my responsibility to stay far away from the poor class life-style. I found that you don't need to live in Mexico in order to find insects to be an appealing meal appetizer.

I will not let my family look down on me, I will not lose respect for myself, I am now, and forever will be one to achieve a status commendable by my peers, I will be successful, and only death can say otherwise, as I will find a way.

As for the individual who enjoys reading my literature and then mocking me, [rolls eyes] how low can you go? If you don't like me, than pleas, don't visit this place, otherwise come out and admit that you have a fascination with my life, no one has read every piece of my literature, or looked into this site as much as you have... and I am sure that your studying tendency is more than just a motive to bring me down, for all you have accomplished is my recognition that you are desperate to be heard, even though you have nothing to say.

10:49 AM, September 16th, 2003

It is very interesting how time does seem to heal emotional wounds... yet I have always favored conversation, and overall comprehension of the situation and potential solutions as an alternative to the long wait... I get to see Esa coming this Thursday... I am pretty hyped to have the opportunity... maybe it shouldn't be this way... where appointments must be scheduled in order to visit; yet she has a future, and girls with futures are girls with priorities. [smiles]

I just spent a few bucks on my eBay store... yeehaw. I wanted to offer a place where my viewers and potential customers could see what I do for extra cash, and how I benefit other web sites... all that for $10.00 a month... [rolls eyes] What a crazy place.

So the below statement was of sorrow... things have changed though... I did end up getting my license, and it seems much of my life's success will be an easy goal to achieve... it looks like my future is already set, and my success is inevitable... [looks down] It's kind of sad though, because all I have seemed to want lately is to sleep next to the one I love... not gain profits from customers, not find myself with a sudden financial independence in so many categories of my life... I guess that is my motivation though... my fuel for becoming successful is to achieve respect from my peers, and to have security so I may one day take care of a child, and have one of the happiest wives alive.

I most likely will end up giving large amounts of my salary to charity, later on down the line... all I ever wanted was enough, not more than I could use, just enough to live middle class, and help out society in ways that others seem to neglect.

Until next time... bye bye.

10:18 PM, September 7th, 2003

I kinda feel like dying right now... I just drove home from my Grandma's birthday party, and everything went pretty well before I got back to my car... It was 8:20 pm, and as soon as I pulled onto the road, my mother began to tell me what to do for every turn I was about to take, and every speed limit I was about to break. I asked her repeatedly not to tell me what I already knew, yet she persisted...

I failed my driver's test twice... twice with the same man in the passenger seat, the same 70+ year old, with the same company backing his statements on my ever-so-horrible driving up... The first time I took the test, I failed due to his thoughts... I failed because he thought we were in danger due to the assumption that I was going to go about a turn just the way all the other newbies had... but I didn't... yet he still screamed at me... no laws broken, no horns honked, yet he yelled.

My mother threatens to take, the things that are most important to me, away when I do something she does not like... in fact, the only thing I ever do "wrong" is argue with her... I don't smoke, I don't come home late, I don't even really get bad grades... yet she yells and screams, just like the other authority figures in my life... she yells because my opinion conflicts with hers, and so do my experiences.

I'm in love with a girl... an amazing girl, and I desperately wish to visit her. Yet my mother has taken away my keys... she says that she will not take me to my driver's test either... so now I have no car... I have no opportunity to see the one I love. [looks down]

I cry when I screw up... I cry when I screw up and I cannot deny it in any way due to lack of solid evidence of my innocence to the negative actions taken. I screwed up by asking my mother to leave her comments to herself until we got home so I would not become emotional over the situation... I screwed up by letting tears rise up in my eyes while driving 36 mph in a 30 mph road. I screwed up on my second driver's test, it was truly my fault... and I can't take it back... no matter how badly I want to. But that is just obvious.

I guess some of you could see this as a minor issue... as something that is insignificant, something I should not worry about... but this is my life, so many things matter to me, and because of that, I feel like I do now... I hurt pretty bad, and it seems all I can do that would influence the pain is remind myself of my own failures so I may sob until I no longer have water in my shell, and then I may sleep forever.

Being positively significant in this world while your living says nothing about your mortality other than when you die, many people will show up to your funeral. When I do die, I want it to be with another that I care for... maybe the only person I trust. I don't even know that person yet... or maybe I just do not know them enough... one thing that beats in my mind now... my mother raises her voice at me too much... and I will die happy if I can actually see her sorrow at the knowledge of my passing... to see everyone's sorrow... I just wish these intentions were of care, yet so many people seem to only refuse to speak negatively of you if you are not alive to give feedback... as if death is, in its own way, an immunity of insults from the living.

"Remember Greg?" ...I wish I knew what death would be like... none of you should worry about my urges to live... I'll die when I feel I have nothing to offer the world, and the world has nothing to offer me... until then, you will find me holding in my inevitable tears.

8:59 AM, August 30th, 2003

So I just had a dream, I cannot remember it exactly, so I will fill in the holes with a foggy idea of what actually happened. Enjoy this if you can.

{ Sliding through the growing waters, two relatives and I sat in the base of this tremendous ship, shaking as we listened to the bombs exploding outside. Screaming orders above, the Captain seemed to tremor his voice, as he ordered the now dead bodies to be thrown overboard. Looking around, I found many others just like me, wondering why they had gotten themselves into this horrifying risk, just to get to the underwater maze, known as "Gelica Island"

As the explosions came closer, my cousins and I backed towards the front of the ship, where the explosions had not yet reached. Just then, the waters grew silent, as a sigh of relief came from the fellow inhabitants of the ship. Without restraint the ship cannons began to sound off as if it were fighting Poseidon himself. Immediately the cannons were silenced by a huge explosion that sent the tip of our unsteady ship hurling across the sea, with my cousins screaming along each skip across the water.

Spinning and twirling, all I could see was a blurred dark green color, and I only heard Sea Shores in my ears, as my brain seemed to force my ears to mute the inevitable explosions.

Laying face up in the water, I wondered how we survived, as my cousins were also alive next to me. Realizing I was floating on water, I began to move around frantically, only to begin sinking. "John, Dave! Hurry! Let's swim back before we are pulled under!" = Shaking out of their short comas, the boys both followed me as I swam through the light blue waters. As we came closer to our destination, I dove under water with them, not needing to breath or worry about death any longer. We had reached our kingdom underwater, and everyone welcomed us. }

Sure, it's not the most entertaining dream in the world, but I only told you half of it... [shrugs] The rest was just me finding more relatives in the cave, and later being flooded out only to move onto the next dream where I slid down a really long pipe at about 70mph... [rolls eyes] That was such a silly dream.

Anyway, I had a really bad day yesterday... Someone tore me a new one on eBay... I'm such a dink when it comes to trusting people... now I am $32.00 down... stupid jerk stole my money!

2:04 PM, August 28th, 2003

As time passes by, I seem to find less to do on a daily basis... not that everything in my life is losing their active tendencies... just that it seems I, above all, am less interested in the things I've normally found reason and motive in. It is as if I am bored of standing still... or even more so, sitting alone in my room, waiting for someone to call, so I may be torn out of my, deniably boring, web designing activities.

It's kind of sad though... that I seem to favor active conversation over productivity... then again, what is active conversation but productivity? Well... conversations are not all useful... maybe that is why so many of us break apart; because we never really talked about the important things.

I truly wish we would all keep in mind that we could die at any moment, that nothing is forever... and it is best to talk things out, rather than hang up, and be alone. I don't hang up, but it seems others enjoy being alone more than they do managing things out with others... it is as if being alone is another way of saying "I don't trust you enough to handle my mind state with care." or it may be even more so that some people are just seeking people when they want to be around people, not when those people want to be around them.

[sighs] Right now I manage a great amount of web sites and message boards, I tell myself they need updates, as almost all of them receive over 1,000 hits daily; yet I find myself procrastinating... and as I do this, the pages die, the board activities die, and ultimately the morale in all of my viewers seems to fade away as well... yet I do nothing about it.

I can remember a while back when I desperately wanted a web site... maybe 2001... and after I used my Mother's credit card to sign myself up, I had what I wanted, and for a short while made something of it. I guess it is something like wanting to be on TV, and once I got there, I lost my urges to be a part of the productions everyone encouraged me to involve myself in... now I want something bigger, better, greater than I have had before... text is not enough.

It seems in all of my creations, there are five or ten people who can't help but tell me how great each design and page is, and how amazing I am for creating them... I truly question why they think so highly of me... why what I do is so interesting or appealing to them. I know when what I do looks good, I know what is worth a second look... but it seems that every mile I travel translates into fifty miles for them... I guess I am tired of hearing I have reached my prime when I have not even seen the peak of the mountain yet... I feel like the journey is going to get much more rocky for me... and yet the sherpas tell me I have already mastered the trails.

In most recent times, I have only worked on web sites for money... I guess that is what one must do to survive... right? I have a life to look forward to... prepare for. I want to have a future where I can wake up every morning, happy that I have made the decisions I have, and loving every second of my life... but I also fear my perfections will only be a dream, and that every moment will be another heart break, or disappointment.

[sighs] I really do talk much too much sometimes... like now for instance... I found this in my Mother as well... to explain one situation, she gives the temperature of her surroundings, the color of the sky, the exact expression on everyone's faces, the sound of the wind through the trees, the smell in the air, the height and age of everyone around, the feeling she had, the way each word was pronounced and so much more... Maybe that is why I do not like books so much... I wish they would just get to the point, and leave the details up to my imagination... stupid Harry Potter.