2011 Blog

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2011 Blog is a copy and paste of a blog Greg ran of one of the incarnations of his Onision Forums, which is now gone. He mostly talks about he and Shiloh's relationship. The entries mostly take place from June to July 2011. There is also a random February 2010 post thrown in there.

Update: Greg moved these blog posts onto EGHQ.com, but he deleted a lot of them. Luckily, the whole blog was saved here.

Blog Posts

SATURDAY, JULY 23, 2011

Am I Finally Free?

[Image of Greg with red hair looking into the distance in the snow.]

I just realized I've forgotten what it's like to feel physical human affection... the only thing I recall is hugging & that's because I was hugged today... *sigh*

Maybe it's for the best I don't remember what it's like to hold a woman in my arms... it was only days ago... but my mind clearly wants me to forget.

A kiss... a scratch... breath on my neck... what was that like?

The skin on my hands numb... not remembering what a woman's cheeks, eyebrows, ear lobes, waist & hips feel like sliding beneath them.

I can feel my attraction to other human beings fading from me...

It seems the only way out of my loneliness, is denial... a blocking of fond memory, so I may lose interest in looking anywhere but forward...

Has my body finally spared my heart so that it may feel pain no more?

Has my wish to lose my desperation for love... become my reality?

Am I stronger than before? Or subject of yet another phase... doomed to fall back in with the billions of men on this planet who cannot find happiness without the company of a woman?

Designed to depend on one, praying for reliability while fearing the absolute worst... begging, please do not drop my love in the dirt as if it were nothing...

?...please do not watch my heart beat, slower and slower till it fades into the sand, as if it never existed...

Don't let me be insignificant, don't look in my eyes and tell me it meant nothing...

If we cannot stand for what we believe in, we lose the unique detail to our faces, our individuality ~

In the end, I stand for those who love me... as while in my back you see but a shadow, you know the sun will come again & my smiling face approaching just after my extended hand.

If I cannot be a husband, than let me be a hero... if I cannot be desired company, than let me be the one you call on your darkest night.

I don't mind dying... not if it means something... not if tears fall down my eyes, proud of what I've done on my last day.

May I live till the day I can smile on the world, and say, I did what I came here to do... thank you & farewell.

Tears fall from ghosts the most, for in life they finally see the truest beauty.

Once had, but never again, only memories remain, of what could have been.

POSTED BY ONISION AT 8:56 PM 9 COMMENTS

Lost, Yet Still Somehow Moving Forward

[Image of Greg looking onto the distance in formal wear.]

A lot has happened in the past few days... I've recorded quite a few main-channel videos, ex-drama is ongoing, major events/meetings/developments are about to occur in the next couple weeks & I'm still figuring out LA :P

My mom is pretty close to me here in California... so that's pretty cool ~ I can see her in just a short drive... a while ago I said I would never move to LA --- thing is, I judged it prematurely... I looked at the big city and said to myself "ALL OF LA IS LIKE THIS" - I was wrong... it is totally liveable :)

I've been working with a lot of people as of late because I want to be more invested in the YouTube community - I want to develop myself socially... overall just be a better person you know?

In Washington, I felt isolated... life was easy, but it was also kinda stagnant... like living in a cave... sure, you're super safe, but you never go anywhere... ya know?

Anyway... I hope you like the update on my life as of late.

The image to your left is a screenshot of me in one of JoeNationTV's recent episodes... cool huh?

POSTED BY ONISION AT 6:20 PM 3 COMMENTS

LABELS: COLLAB, FUN, JOENATIONTV, ONISION

SATURDAY, JULY 16, 2011

I Ran Away From Home

[Broken image]

Because Shiloh has threatened to spread false-information (false being she denies the evidence & claims it's all slanted against her) about me on her facebook (and because of her threats behind the scenes), I'm releasing the following, police-documented information.

(1) In the last 48 hours, I've called the police on her twice. Both times the officers sided with me, acknowledging she was mentally unstable. My actions were described as "reasonable".

(2) In the last 48 hours, Shiloh has threatened her own life twice. I have witnesses, including my family & the police.

She was taken to the Western State Mental Health facility in Lakewood, WA earlier today because of her threats.

She said, and I quote "I'm going to kill myself & I'm going to make it look bad" ~ At that moment I got off the phone with my family & dialled 911.

The first night I called the police on Shiloh was because she refused to leave my room, all I wanted was to sleep in my own room alone but she could not respect that. After she refused approximately 30 times, I stated I was going to dial the police. She still insisted she stay in the room, so in attempts to avoid having to call the police I tried to pick her up and move her out of the room.

She fought with me, so I pushed her out of the room & closed the door.

She then yelled the following "I'm going to tell everyone you abuse me" - I then opened up my door & notified her I was phoning the police.

I explained to the police that she threatened to slander me by stating she was going to tell everyone I abused her. I also explained that the reason I called them was because I could not risk her spreading lies about me, and the police being witness to the incident would guarantee the truth was known.

Shiloh told the police the truth about what happened & they left once Shiloh agreed to sleep in her own room (she's supposed to sleep on a bed in her room, I sleep in a sleeping bag on the floor).

The following day Shiloh became even more emotional. This time she cornered me multiple times in my own home, refusing to let me move freely in my home.

Because of this, I dialled my mother and asked me what I should do. My mother claimed that she was well aware of how mentally unstable Shiloh was, I called my sister, she said the same & lastly my aunt, my aunt also stated that Shiloh was unstable. Throughout all three conversations with my family members Shiloh continued to scream & sob hysterically in the background incoherently.

All three of them advised me to leave the home as soon as possible as Shiloh had refused to leave herself.

Please be warned, if anything happens to me, I have Shiloh on tape threatening to "destroy" me, stating she wouldn't need to "hack" me, because she was going to "ruin" me through other means, which was recorded earlier today. I will not release any footage unless she attempts to harm me as she has threatened.

In conclusion, I have police reports, I have three civilian witnesses & I have footage proving everything I'm saying.

------------------------------

Shiloh, I left you in my home with electricity, running water & plenty of food. You have multiple people offering to take you in, yet you refused them, just as you refuse to leave my home. I hope some day you realize how wrong you were for constantly making me a prisoner in my home over the past few days.

The only reason I finally got away is because the police had you at the mental asylum miles from my home. They gave me enough time to escape, so I took the opportunity.

After all the nights you kept me up lecturing me about what a piece of garbage you believe me to be, after all the times I've tried to help you & haven't gotten even a thank you in response... I still welcomed you in my life...

...but then you threatened to ruin me, you threatened to spread lies & you threatened to kill yourself.

I stayed with you when your step-dad threatened to break every bone in my body, when he repeatedly threatened to kill me if I didn't leave you. I stayed with you when your uncle (according to you) tried to send truckers after me... to hurt me? To kill me? I don't know.

I planned a future with you... and I was willing to die for it... but I was not willing to let you die for it - you threatened your own life, and that is why we can never see each other again.

Please move on with your life... though I expect you'll try to have me hurt... and if that is the case, to all my fans... I"m sorry I let you down.

I'll try to survive, I'm getting a restraining order as soon as I can on her...

Please move on Shiloh... I genuinely fear you, I'm asking for mercy.

- Gregory

Note: To everyone reading this, Shiloh has claimed to me to be a hacker. If she is indeed a hacker this message may not survive on my posting it alone.

POSTED BY ONISION AT 3:58 AM 53 COMMENTS

LABELS: ME, SHILOH, THREATENED

THURSDAY, JULY 14, 2011

Finding Stability

[Image of Greg holding a gun to his head.]

For the past few months my life has been a roller coaster... I've finally found the strength & reason to get off this ride.

I'm tired of drama, I'm tired of hate, I'm tired of feeling dragged down... so I've chosen to stand up on my own, walk alone... I want to be myself again, I want to feel free again ~ I'm so done with having these invisible bars surround my mind... I'm so through not being allowed to be who I am regardless of the fact that there's nothing legally/morally wrong with who that person is.

It's nice to look in the mirror and see someone who is liberated, someone who can be whatever he wishes to be... for too long I've tried... again and again to work things out with something that I hadn't realized I didn't want... holding on to something that wasn't meant to be held.

I don't want heart ache... I don't want sorrow... I want happiness, I want a bright future... and that future? I have to walk this path without time-consuming, stress-inducing relationships, to find it.

POSTED BY ONISION AT 3:42 PM 7 COMMENTS

LABELS: BLOG, FINDING STABILITY, ONISION

SUNDAY, JULY 10, 2011

Work, Work & More Work

[Image of Greg blowing his brains out and Shiloh dressed as her Haters United character.]

All day today I worked, responding to people on my contact page, recording, editing, uploading, dealing with forum drama & occasionally dropping a status update :D

I think, because I haven't taken a break all day from computer work, I'll just watch a movie with my friend Shiloh :D

Tomorrow I think I'll be recording/editing/uploading a couple videos, & editing some stuff for SmellzYeButt as well, when I'm done with that? Cleaning house...

Gotta say, something I've learned about myself is when I'm not in a relationship, I love love love to work... it just fills that big hole in my life with a sense of... productivity (derp).

Do you guys feel the same? If you're not in a relationship... do you feel there is like... a hole to fill?

Anyway, if you haven't seen the new Haters United: http://youtube.com/onision

Thanks guys <3

POSTED BY ONISION AT 12:35 AM 17 COMMENTS

LABELS: DAILY, HATERS UNITED, LIFE, NEWS, ONISION, SCHEDULE, UPDATES, WORKING

THURSDAY, JULY 7, 2011

Cosmic Panda: The New YouTube Design

[Screen shot of Onision's videos with a design YouTube was testing.]

If you haven't heard yet, YouTube has a new beta design they appear to be considering for replacing the current YouTube layout.

I just found out about it today & thus far I'm actually pretty excited about it.

Regardless, I have some channel design suggestions:

1. I would like to see an auto-play option for the default channel videos.

2. No sign of channel comments being available, hopefully that comes back too.

3. The subscribers list is gone, I'd like that to be back, even if it's 10x10 avatars, it would be nice.

4. A small banner should be optional, I don't really like that an avatar alone represents each channel.

5. The playlists should still have video titles available for viewing so users aren't just clicking random unnamed thumbnails.

6. Stylish/cool/attractive subscribe button would be nice, possibly with a slight glow effect.

7. Allow status updates to appear on default page (for content creators along with everyone else).

Hopefully these suggestions help.

To check out the new designs for yourself, click this: http://www.youtube.com/cosmicpanda

POSTED BY ONISION AT 6:30 PM 5 COMMENTS

LABELS: BLOG, CHANNEL, COSMETIC, COSMETIC PANDA, COSMIC, ONISION, PANDA, REVIEW, YOUTUBE

WEDNESDAY, JULY 6, 2011

*sigh* Stress... what is this life now?

[Image of Greg dramatically looking to his right.]

I'm pretty conflicted right now... I'm supposed to record a video for my main channel today... not sure what I'm going to do... maybe I'll make a Whatever Wednesday... yeah, I think I'll ask you guys for pics again & somehow incorperate it into my next video :) ~

Anywho, how are you feeling? What's up in your life? People are still setting fireworks off outside, despite the fact that the 4th of July has been over for a couple days now :P Leftovers derp :D

Mmmkay... now I'm all inspired... just writing this has kicked off my mind on the path of constructing the next video :D AWESOMENESS ~

POSTED BY ONISION AT 3:09 PM 5 COMMENTS

SATURDAY, JULY 2, 2011

Workin Hard Boss :)

[Screen shot of Greg and Shiloh's Avatar: The Last Airbender video.]

So the latest Onision/Draculoh video is a parody of Avatar: The Last Airbender ~ Shiloh shaved her head, so I made the suggestion that we take advantage of her new appearance and... well... go crazy with the role of Aang :) ~

Regardless, I've been super busy, and by that I mean, life has been STRESSFUL as of late, I have a ton of things to do (6 pages of fan mail for instance) but it just seems like the days go by too fast to keep up at times...

In reality, you know what it is? I have a girlfriend, and she wants my attention like all the time... and that leaves me little time to do what I normally did (sit in front of my computer every waking hour).

Ugh, stupid girlfriend forces me to have a life... rrrg.

Ha ha... it's 8am & I have yet to go to sleep... I think most the editing was me trying to get the orbs to match Aang's eyes :P

Blagh! Whatever, hope you guys love it, and thank you for reading ~

POSTED BY ONISION AT 8:03 AM 6 COMMENTS

LABELS: AIR, AIRBENDER, AVATAR, BENDER, FUNNY, LAST, MOVIE, ONISION, PARODY, THE LAST AIRBENDER, TWISTED,VIDEO

MONDAY, JUNE 27, 2011

Respect For Shiloh

(This entry is deleted from the current version of the blog.)

[Image of Shiloh smiling with glasses on.]

Thank you to everyone who said I did a good job responding to Shiloh's situation, being there for her & calming her down. I'm glad a lot of you feel I am a good boyfriend for handling this the way I have, as that is exactly what I aspire to be.

She has lost memory a few times in the past & repeatedly communicated that she did not want me to take her to the hospital in such situations ~ while you may not agree with this, it is her right to refuse & I respect that, as everyone should.

As for the incident being recorded, she personally used the footage to to witness exactly what she went through & approved of it being posted online - thus I did just that ~ and her channel has received more subscribers/views because of it.

So far it has educated/spread awareness of situations like this to hundreds of thousands ~ and despite the ignorant/hateful response from the minority ~ the majority has been supportive & quite constructive.

To those who have been constructive, thank you very much. As soon as Shiloh communicates she would like to be examined professionally, I will gladly take her.

I love her, and wish the best for her ~ above all, I respect her, & that means I must respect her rights as well.

POSTED BY ONISION AT 6:47 PM 15 COMMENTS

LABELS: DRACULOH, GREG, INCIDENT, ONISION, REFUSE, RESPECT, RIGHTS, SHILOH, TREATMENT

SUNDAY, JUNE 26, 2011

Update on Greg & Shiloh ~

(This entry is deleted from the current version of the blog.)

[Image of Shiloh with a blonde wig on with the word "LIAR!!" in the corner.]

Summary of the last few days: (1) Shiloh forgets 3 years of her life & Onision, like always, shares this significant event of his life with his audience (with Shiloh's approval of course). (2) Despite repeated public statements to the contrary, massive amounts of people accuse them both of acting/lying. (3) Shiloh refuses medical treatment as she does not wish to be a "lab rat" & Onision respects Shiloh's right to refuse. (4) 30% of Onision's commenters now hate on Onision for respecting Shiloh's rights 10% continue to accuse them of lying & 60% are actually constructive.

Thank goodness most people are constructive <3

POSTED BY ONISION AT 4:53 PM 23 COMMENTS

LABELS: DRACULOH, GREG, INCIDENT, INFO, INFORMATION, LOSS, MEMORY, ONISION, SHILOH, SUMMARY

SATURDAY, JUNE 25, 2011

Shiloh Speaks Out

(This entry is deleted from the current version of the blog.)

After editing all night last night, I went to sleep & later woke up to Shiloh telling me she made a video about me...

[Broken Image]

It's really nice to know (repeatedly, as she reminds me so kindly) ~ That I made the right decision in responding the way I did.

To everyone who has supported us through this, thank you so much for your kindness ~

POSTED BY ONISION AT 4:44 PM 5 COMMENTS

LABELS: DISCUSSION, DRACULOH, LOSS, MEMORY, ONISION, REAL, SHILOH, SITUATION, UPDATES

THURSDAY, JUNE 23, 2011

A long day...

[Picture of Greg and Shiloh smiling in a webcam.]

Shiloh & I earlier this year in Toronto.

Lets see... what happened today... ok ~ Early this morning I was editing the latest main channel video, I then went to sleep for a few hours & was woken up by Shiloh (a little prematurely, but she went to sleep super early so probably didn't notice I had only slept a short while).

Since then she & I have just been working on videos, cleaning around the house, donating stuff to Goodwill, buying groceries and generally having fun together.

Shiloh's memory loss hasn't changed drastically... but she has proven to me that her mind hasn't been blanked out as she remembers a few things, things I mentioned in the latestOnisionSpeaks video :) ~

Regardless, this has to be one of the strangest & most difficult experiences of my life... I love Shiloh, and I'm going to be here for her, that much is clear to me... *sigh* I'm still really scared.

She has just been so amazing/cool/kind to me... I just truly hope this never happens again, and that we can avoid what triggers it (stress) ~

POSTED BY ONISION AT 9:30 PM 30 COMMENTS

LABELS: DRACULOH, HAPPINESS, HOPE, LOSS, MEMORY, ONISION, SHILOH, SOLUTION, UPDATES

WEDNESDAY, JUNE 22, 2011

The True Onision

[Image of Greg in his Joker costume and make-up.]

I think I get it now... it's not about what you feel in the moment, it's about what you feel overall. If you wish to keep yourself honest, you must remember your true self.

These fleeting instances & influences are a form of trickery, they spawn a short-lived, less respectable version of yourself that forfeits your values to a natural, impulsive reaction to your immediate situation. This response triggered by a corrupted modification of your personality all making you something you primarily are not, nor should ever be.

The person who sees the larger perspective knows what's best, they offer the only life with real substance, and that person is only forgotten when selfishness inspired by unfortunate but often inevitable conditions exceed the weight of your deeply rooted integrity.

POSTED BY ONISION AT 8:03 PM 3 COMMENTS

LABELS: FALSE, HUMBLE, I AM WHATEVER I WISH TO BE, IDEA, MAKING, MENTALITY, MISTAKES, ONISION, PHILOSOPHY,THEORY, TRUE, TRUE SELF

Onision Forums Still Down?

[Close up black and white image on Greg's face.]

As some of you know, the forums recently went down, and never returned ~ leaving only the old Onision Forums the only remaining Onision community online.

Thousands of posts, pictures, blogs etc were lost in this event so a few are probably wondering "Onision... WTF?"...arg.

Well, here's the deal. I was paying about $330 a month for hosting that one site, problem is, thanks to some recent events in my life ~ I've been financially screwed out of my mind, and am just trying to stay afloat at this point.

That being said, I had to cancel hosting, I've even canceled a cell phone plan of mine because of my financial woes.

So, with this new understanding, I hope you can all bare with me as I try to pull myself back together & survive.

The old forums aren't as fast, but they certainly are pretty much the same as far as posting capabilities/functions go.

I appreciate all the support/love the site is being shown & thank you for being a member...

Hopefully in the future I will be able to offer better services to the Onision Forum community, but for now "Ya gotta make do with what ya got" :)

Nothing will really change as far as my online presence... we have this new, super inexpensive blog, the old forums & all my channels to keep ya busy so I hope that's enough <3 :)

May we all find great happiness & success in the future :)

Thanks guys ~

Click here to go to the Onision Forums now! :)

Note: Earlier I stated I was having issues getting the site back due to customer service. That was me attempting to get a new site called "BUTTSHEX.COM" (I know, mature of me right?) - Unfortunately, they all have their thumbs up their bums and haven't done squat to get the FTP software to function with their servers so... I just went to Plan B... no, not the abortion pill. The web site. Onision.net ~

POSTED BY ONISION AT 1:26 AM 5 COMMENTS

LABELS: CONFUSION, DEALING, DOWN, EXPLANATION, FORUMS, ONISION

TUESDAY, JUNE 21, 2011

The Sexist Writes Back

(This entry is deleted from the current version of the blog.)

The YouTuber who's on the main page with TITS for a thumbnail just accused me of stooping to a low level by "publicly slamming" him (never said his name, but whatever) ~ Stooping to a low level? A man who makes a living degrading women is criticizing me for publicly having a problem him objectifying the female body?

Really? Before you insult me, check yourself dude.

He actually suggested he "respects" women. What? Than why is there such a huge focus on their body parts in your videos? What happened to respecting them as human beings - what lies beneath the skin?

You're just another jerk who exploits women with no self-respect for personal gain. Don't fool yourself, you're sexist ~ an enemy of equality.

POSTED BY ONISION AT 3:20 PM 8 COMMENTS

LABELS: CELEBRITY, DEGRADING, INTERNET, ONISION, SEXIST, VLOG, WOMEN

Uuuugh, late night ~

[Image of Greg's friend Nathan pretending to choke on colorful candy in his mouth]

So! I've been up all night editing (as usual :D!!!) and have hit a few bumps that forced me to remove my video (just after uploading it) to make a few more modifications... no trivial task considering the size of the file (almost 600mb).

Anyway, Shiloh is asleep next to me... she sleeps on the floor in the computer room when I work through the night because she wants to be close to me.

She's being saying my name in her sleep more often than ever before... it's so adorable. She is so beautiful.

:P *sigh* So today's video is with Nathan, a friend of mine that I've collabed with in the past... stay tuned for the video link itself :) Currently at 69% upload so it should be very soon.

POSTED BY ONISION AT 7:15 AM 7 COMMENTS

LABELS: COLLAB, IN, MOUTH, NATHAN, ONISION, PICTURE, SKITTLES, STUFFED, VIDEO, YOUTUBE

MONDAY, JUNE 20, 2011

Shiloh Will BAN YOU!!!!

(This entry is deleted from the current version of the blog.)

[Image of Shiloh with circle lenses]

I posted a picture of my "LOG COCK" joke and Shiloh got super pissed over some girl posting a seriously dirty sexual innuendo in the comments... I agree with her being upset because if some dude said what that chick said to Shiloh I would also be pretty annoyed.

I think the problem was is I was just making a joke, that didn't accurately describe my genitalia (what with it being tiny in reality, and the log being the opposite) ~ and this individual gave sick details about their excretions and grooming habits... whatever.

Maybe we're both wrong & stupid... point is, we belong together.

Here's the image that got a crap load of SERIOUS perverted responses :P

[Image of Greg with his crotch touching a large log with the words "LOG COCK: Too Big For Any Beaver" below.]

HA HA HA HA... HA...... HA!

POSTED BY ONISION AT 11:51 PM 4 COMMENTS

LABELS: BEAVER, BLACK, BOX, COLOR, FUNNY, HILARIOUS, IMAGE, JOKE, LOG, ONISION, WHITE SUNDAY, MARCH 14, 2010

I Fix The Broken By Breaking It

[Image of Greg's repairs to his camera.]

Ok, so INCREDIBLY stupid placement of the "Manual Focus" button on the Canon Vixia HFS100 ~

I have had so many disappointments in the past where I'll finish recording a video, go to edit, and see the whole god damn thing is a blur because I BARELY NUDGED the button while recording...

So after the sixth time of mind-crippling depression waves hitting me once I realized hours of work went in the crapper for no good reason, I took action.

I grabbed a pocket knife, and wrenched the crap out of that button till I felt satisfaction.

Haven't had a problem since.

I fix the broken by breaking it... in this case, yeah, I did just that.

Regardless, what inspired this blog was ShaneDawsonTV2's latest video, where I think he's having an issue with his manual focus setting: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KaRa6YCS4rg

POSTED BY ONISION AT 4:39 PM 1 COMMENTS

LABELS: ANNOYING, AUTO, BAD, BROKEN, BUTTON, CANON, DESIGN, FOCUS, HF, HFS100, MANUAL, PLACEMENT, VIXIA

SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 13, 2010

Censor Me Timbers

[Image of Greg with glasses on.]

On YouTube we are allowed to speak our views to many extents --- likely due to the fact that YouTube is a company, and does not want to take sides on major issues.

Meanwhile I am an individual --- and I do take sides ~ thus my site reflects this. Especially in instances where individuals wish to condone/promote the killing of my friends ~ it may be legal for you to do this in your own home, but not in mine - I have rights, just like you do.

It is important to identify the difference between country, company and individual --- even on YouTube, true "Freedom of Speech" does not exist --- and because I appreciate being on this site, I respect their rules, behaving accordingly.

As far as the mention of living in a "Fake World" --- yes, when you chose to deny discussion of certain topics in reality, you are doing just that --- however this is not something new to very many of us --- considering every time we turn on a comedy show, or close our eyes and listen to music --- we are trying to escape all the problems in our world ~

My site is much like this, using the same perspective --- YouTube, not so much.

The Video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GX1C1H-Istk

POSTED BY ONISION AT 7:48 PM 1 COMMENTS

LABELS: BROADCAST, CENSOR, CENSORSHIP, OPINION, OPINIONATED, OPINIONS, PEOPLE, PERSPECTIVE, TALKING, VIDEO,VLOG, YOURSELF, YOUTUBE